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Morituus' TUYCTHONTTMDNWYTK (a novel)



- The most current version of the novel can be downloaded here -
(best viewed as a book, using the 2-page 'side-by-side' view)


     Throughout most of his career, Morit specialized in visual works of art such as videos and modified screenshots. The Untold, Yet Completely True*, History Of Norrath That 'The Man' Does Not Want You To Know (aka - TUYCTHONTTMDNWYTK) novel marked his first foray into writing, and the process turned out to be an exhausting experience.

     Despite all the creative struggles, numerous plot sacrifices, and eventual failure to win the contest, the resulting novel is considered by many to be Morit's greatest work of art, across any medium, of all time.

Contents



 

Creating a Masterpiece

"Let me get this straight, these are the only restrictions, right?" - Morituus
"Sounds like a trick question, but the official forum challenge rules cover a lot." - Zatozia

     Created specifically for the 11th Anniversary "Lore Connection" forum challenge, the criteria was to write about your in-game character and his relation to a single NPC found within the game. Special rules for this specific contest stated that you must NOT use acronyms in the story, and that you must NOT alter existing game lore. Naturally, Morit did both. Numerous times.
     Although he was pretty blatant in breaking the first rule, he defied the second rule by writing about official game lore events in a way that didn't necessarily "alter" the established lore. While it's been confirmed that certain events "officially" happened throughout Norrath's history, the specific details of many of these events have never been revealed... so Morit simply took credit for them. You could say, as one fan accurately put it, that TUYCTHONTTMDNWYTK is like an "EQ version of Forrest Gump", except Morit isn't mentally challenged (although some of his critics might disagree).
     Rules and regulations aside, the biggest threat to Morit's success was time. Since contestants were expected to submit short stories (normally 1-3 pages in length), the duration of the contest was only 10 days. In an effort to stick it to The Man, Morit decided to write a 500 page novel since they had neglected to impose a limit on the length of the story. He figured that Zatozia (or whoever she assigned to go over the contest entries) would freak out when they saw how long his story was. He also felt that there was no way anyone from SOE would actually sit down and read the entire thing, so he purposefully loaded the story with minor additions to some established game lore (see above). If his submission was selected as a winner by SOE, his twisted version Norrathian history would then be considered "official" game lore.
     He slaved away, night and day, for over a week but was unable to complete his 'vision' in time. The draft he turned in ended at the halfway point of the story, and even this partial book was cut down to less than a quarter of the length that he originally intended, with entire chapters being either removed or cut down to short summaries. Additionally, his entry was not chosen as a winner for the contest.

     Since the conclusion of the contest, Morit has gone back and completed some of the "Missing Chapters" from the first part of the book (except the Xegony chapter, which he felt worked better as is), thereby giving a decent sense of closure to the project. He would like to continue to write the second half of the story, and therefore complete the novel, but given the enormous amount of work that would be required... realistically it is highly unlikely that TUYCTHONTTMDNWYTK will ever be viewed in it's entirety.
     However, because most of the major elements of the plot have already been determined, the following sections below contain information on characters and chapters from the second half of the story. While this information does not give the complete picture, they do offer loyal fans of the novel a small glimpse of the events that followed the fall of Firiona Vie.

 

Plot Summary

 

     ** WARNING: THIS SECTION CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS **

 

  • Part One
  •  
    • Prologue - The Simple Life
        • Morit's humble upbringing, his forbidden relationship with his first true love, and how he is summoned before his king and given an impossible task.
        •  
    • Chapter 1 - Life in Felwithe: Part 1
        • Morit and his trusted friend Ambien set out to rid the Fay of the foul creature known as Mayong Mistmoore.
        •  
    • Chapter 2 - Life in Felwithe: Part 2
        • Victorious in his quest, Morit and Ambien return home to a hero's welcome. But instead of joining the wide-spread celebration, all Morit can think of is being with his love.
        •  
    • Chapter 3 - Norrath's Greatest Wizard
        • Banished from his homeland, Morit wanders Norrath for many years and has countless adventures. On one particularly fateful day, the sexy high elf meets a wizard named Al'Kabor and a halfling name Vorp. While one would end up causing him a great deal of misery later in life, the other goes on to becoming his best friend forever.
        •  
    • Chapter 4 - This Way to the Lake of Ill Omen
        • Traveling the lands of Kunark, Morit, Vorp and their new friend Vind run into a lost iksar. Being the kind should that he is, the wizard gladly extend a helping hand to the poor noob. This chapter was based on a true story of an actual forum/in-game event in which Morit joked around that there was a "This way to the Lake of Ill Omen" sign (ala the 8-bit Legend of Zelda NES game) in Frontier Mountains and gave specific directions to the sign, such as "zone in from Overthere and cast True North, then run backwards through the zone..." and "look for a tree that looks like King Kong Bundy's head..." Most of the forum population knew he was full of it, but Arishkogol actually spent two (real-time) nights wandering around trying to find the sign.
        •  
    • Chapter 5 - Home: Part 1
        • Morit and company arrive at the nudist colony of Firiona Vie and are promptly greeted by Thurisa, the commander of the local militia's cavalry division. They somehow managed to avoid being killed on the spot, and Morit quickly establishes himself as a popular member of the community.
        •  
    • Chapter 6 - Home: Part 2
        • After deciding to take up a permanent residence in the seaside town, Morit and his companions stop by the local tavern to celebrate. While there, Morit meets a mysterious woman who goes on to leave a lasting impression on the promiscuous wizard.
        •  
    • Chapter 7 - Too Much of a Good Thing: Part 1
        • While exploring the frigid lands of Velious, Morit and his newly formed guild stumble across a hidden cavern. Populated by siren's and mermaids, Morit decides to strike up diplomatic relations with the locals and volunteers to stay behind while his companions continue on in search of a legendary temple of dragons.
        •  
    • Chapter 8 - Too Much of a Good Thing: Part 2
        • After a successful expedition, Vorp, Vind, and the other Snakegod members return to Siren's Grotto to inquire about their friend's progress. What they found instead would end up haunting them for the rest of their lives.
        •  
    • Chapter 9 - Old Friends: Part 1
        • Taking only his best friend and current girl, Morit travels to Luclin for a much needed vacation. He soon discovers that a certain individual from his distant past is still alive and well, living a comfortable life on the far side of the moon. Determined to seek an audience with his 'old friend', Morit drags his two companions into a complicated situation that endangers their very lives.
        •  
    • Chapter 10 - Old Friends: Part 2
        • Still reeling from the shocking series of events that unfolded earlier in the day, Riker confronts Vorp in an attempt to achieve full disclosure about Morit's checkered past. The halfling reluctantly agrees and explains to the naive half elf about Morit's history with the Combine Empire. He also goes on to reveal the unfortunate fate of a couple of their previous traveling companions
        •  
    • Chapter 11 - Old Friends: Part 3
        • With Riker's life at stake, the confrontation between Morit and Seru comes to a dramatic conclusion as the two men square off in an ancient winner-take-all duel.
        •  
    • Chapter 12 - Old Friends: Part 4
        • Victorious once again, Morit seeks to find Riker to make amends for his keeping her in the dark about his numerous indiscretions over the course of his long life. However, it turns out that the young half elf has a secret of her own.
        •  
    • Chapter 13 - The Quest for Xegony's Boobies
        • The title of this chapter is pretty self-explanitory. P.S. He succeeds. P.S.S. You just read the actual chapter.
        •  
    • Chapter 14 - Now THAT'S a Dragon: Part 1
        • With the legend of Snakegod flourishing, Morit and Vorp decide to get into the PMC market. Splitting the guild up into various combat squads, Morit and Vorp lead Snakegod's most elite fighters while taking on the most challenging contracts.
        •  
    • Chapter 15 - Now THAT'S a Dragon: Part 2
        • Biting off more than they can chew during a particularly nasty job, Morit and Vorp realize that their standard tactics won't be enough to save them this time. Sending the other members of Alpha to distract their enemy, the two friends swing around to the enemy's flank in a desperate attempt to execute "Plan B".
        •  
    • Chapter 16 - Now THAT'S a Dragon: Part 3
        • Safely out of danger, Morit and the others begin to regroup. However, before they can celebrate another successful mission, a messenger brings word that Morit's hometown of Firiona Vie is under attack.
        •  
    • Chapter 17 - Homecoming: Part 1
        • Leaving the others behind, Morit quickly gathers a select group of fighters with unique skills in a desperate attempt to get past the naval blockade of Firiona Vie.
        •  
    • Chapter 18 - Homecoming: Part 2
        • Taking command of the cities combat forces from the blundering Al'Kabor, Morit begins issuing orders for an organized retreat. During the evacuation, he runs into a dear friend bearing a precious cargo.
        •  
    • Chapter 19 - Homecoming: Part 3
        • As the city's defenses begin to collapse, Morit swallows his pride and goes to seek the help of Al'Kabor for assistance with porting out the most critically injured citizens. The conclusion of this chapter also offers an explanation as to Al'Kabor's sudden disappearance (both as an active participant during major historical events, and the absence of new versions of his crap spells) from the world of Norrath.
        •  
    •  
  •  
  • Part Two (unfinished)
    •  
    • Chapter 20 - Return of the Crotch
    • Chapter 21 - Unfinished Business
    • Chapter 22 - Unforeseen Consequences
    • Chapter 23 - Penance
    • Chapter 24 - Avatar
    • Chapter 25 - A Second Chance
    • Chapter 26 - God of Sexy
    • Chapter 27 - World Peace, Courtesy of Morit's Crotch
    • Epilogue - The End

 

Characters


 

     ** WARNING: THIS SECTION CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS **

The descriptions of the characters are of the roles they play in the novel, NOT that of their real relationship to Morit in-game or on the forums (although some real character traits were carried over to the novel's characters when possible). However, for organizational purposes, they are divided up into categories of actual Snakegod guild members, other players who are not in Snakegod, in-game NPC's, and SOE staff members who Morit has had encounters with.

Confusing, I know.

 

 

SNAKEGOD

Morituus "Morit" Gender: Male Race: High Elf Class: Wizard
     The protagonist of the novel. Has lived a very long life and has inadvertently influenced many significant events in Norrath's history. He is a popular ladies man with an incredibly large penis. Extremely gifted physically, magically, and intellectually. Boasts a perfect 139-0 record in combat duels and an impressive 7-1 record for official Jankenpo matches. Developed an extreme fear of children due to his exposure to Ambien's kids during their toddler years. This psychological disorder has persisted over the years, and has had a negative impact on a number of his relationships. Likes to pull practical jokes on both his friends and unsuspecting strangers whenever he can. Despite his immaturity, he is one of Snakegod's co-leaders.
Status: Sexy


Vorpalrunt "Vorp" Gender: Male Race: Halfling Class: Druid/Mage
     Morit's best friend forever. Short, stink, and extremely hairy, the halfling's physical appearance are a stark contrast to the handsome high elf. His personality has evolved accordingly, after years of being at the butt end of Morit's jokes. Once polite and humble, he is now sarcastic and grumpy. Vorp and Morit bicker constantly, but love each other like brothers after having survived countless adventures together over the years. As one of the guild's founders, Vorp commands a great deal of influence - equal to that of Morit. However, for some reason he usually chooses to defer his authority to the wizard.
Status: Ugly


Vindir "Vind" Gender: Male Race: Dark Elf Class: Necromancer
     One of the more level headed members of Snakegod - a nice contrast to Morit and Vorp. Can be sarcastic at times, and is not above pranking his friends on occasion. Despite his dark elf heritage, he is generally kind and trustworthy. Surpassed only by Vorp and Ambien, he was one of Morit's most trusted friends. Enlisted with Morit and the others to fight along side the Army of Light during the Battle of Bloody Kithicor.
Status: Deceased? - Battle of Bloody Kithicor (Turned into undead, slain by Morituus) (Effects on Norrath's timeline due to events in The Void are unknown)


Thurisa "Thur" Gender: Female Race: Half Elf Class: Paladin
     Captain of the Firiona Vie militia's cavalry division. A nudist, like the rest of the city's residents, she immediately shows proper respect to Morit's extremely large penis upon their first meeting. Fought valiantly during the battle to defend Firiona Vie and commanded the forces that secured an escape route during the evacuation of the city.
Status: Living


Iimdeadgirl "Dead" Gender: Female Race: Erudite Class: Necromancer
     A resident of Firiona Vie. Was adopted by a family of halflings at a young age and has an older brother named Jamp, who is extremely over-protective. Not an active combatant, she only chose to study Necromancy as an act of defiance during her rebellious teenage years. Consistently gives Morit a hard time in his numerous efforts to bed her. Due to their protracted courtship, she develops a special relationship with Morit. Despite this relationship, she ends up giving birth to a child fathered by Vorp.
Status: Single-mother


Jamp Gender: Male Race: Halfling Class: Paladin
     A resident of Firiona Vie. Extremely protective of his younger sister. Does not like or trust Morit. Ends up joining Snakegod to keep an eye on the horny wizard. Morit abuses his authority by assigning the halfling to his own one-man squad, which gets sent on all the crappy missions. As a result, he is often not heard from for long periods of time.
Status: Who cares


Redderick "Redd" Gender: Male Race: Dwarf Class: Paladin
     Strong and stout, loyal and loveable, but just not very bright... Redd is Snakegod's "special" paladin. Excels in physical combat, but is a bit lacking in the magical department. Often forgets to heal his group members. It's long been suspected that as a child in Kaladim he was sent to be a warrior by trade, but ended up going to the wrong guild hall. He is also an expert fisherman, who's superb skills in that trade are surpassed only by Morit. Is a member of Snakegod's elite A-Team.
Status: Special


Nafurotsu "Naf" Gender: Male Race: Val Shir Class: Beastlord
     Always cool and calm under pressure, Naf replaced Vind as the voice of reason within Snakegod after the dark elf's passing. He is one of the more serious members of the guild, but unlike Vorp or Tynk he is not considered by his peers to be grumpy and is generally well-liked by everyone. Does not like large bodies of water. Or dogs. Is a member of Snakegod's elite A-Team.
Status: Living


Hoorn Gender: Male Race: Half Elf Class: Bard
     A friendly bard of foreign origin. Unusually tolerant of his guildmates' often crude behavior. It is not certain if this is due to his personality or if he just doesn't fully understand what his friends are saying. Hand picked by Morit to break through the Firiona Vie blockade.
Status: Living


Sincord "Sin" Gender: Male Race: Half Elf Class: Bard
     An extremely talented fighter, but may also be slightly insane. He's someone you would want by your side in battle, but not left alone with in a dark room. Likes to dress in women's clothing and wear make up during his downtime. Hand picked by Morit to break through the Firiona Vie blockade.
Status: Living


OTHER PC

Ambien Gender: Male Race: Wood Elf Class: Druid
     Morit's best friend since childhood. A formidable opponent in battle, and apparently extremely fertile in bed. Has produced enough children with his wife to sustain a small guild. Slightly jealous of Vorp, the two druids maintained a friendly rivalry for many years until the wood elf's unfortunate demise.
Status: Deceased? - Battle of Bloody Kithicor (Turned into undead, slain by Morituus) (Effects on Norrath's timeline due to events in The Void are unknown)


Arishkogol "Ash" Gender: Male Race: Iksar Class: Shadow Knight
     A young shadow knight who's sole goal in life was to become a member of the Crusaders of Greenmist. Unknowingly falling victim to one of Morit's random pranks, he spent a good portion of his youth wandering the Frontier Mountains in a futile attempt to fulfill his guild master's wishes. Unable to complete his training, the iksar eventually set out to make a name for himself in the outside world. Goes on to become a great leader of men and, in a uncanny twist of fate, ends up getting revenge on the wizard by accidentally stealing Morit's Seru kill - something that wouldn't have happened had the two not met all those years ago.
Status: Living


Tynk Gender: Male Race: Gnome Class: Enchanter
     A very talented and grumpy enchanter. Enjoys grumbling and proving other people wrong. Highly intelligent and very reluctant to put himself in any unnecessary physical danger, but loves money and is easily persuaded with bribes. Being a gnome, he is also extremely ugly. Does not particularly care for Morit, but does not hate him either. Has a bad habit of getting left behind. Hand picked by Morit to break through the Firiona Vie blockade.
Status: Deceased - Firiona Vie Blockade (Accidentally dropped by Hoorn and Sin while in illusion form, hit by enemy artillery, Morit forgets to have him rezzed)


Emarinn "Riker" Gender: Female Race: Half Elf Class: Paladin
     A half elf mutt who longs to become a real elf. Once bought Spock ears in a vain attempt to pass as a high elf. After meeting the poor soul, Morit allows her to tag along with him out of pity. And also because she has a nice rack. Travels with Morit and Vorp to Luclin where she gets left behind.
Status: Pregnant


Miss Jackie "MJ" Gender: Female Race: Human Class: Wizard
     A fellow wizard, she and Morit immediately hit it off. Sweet on the outside but feisty on the inside, her strong will and equally impressive combat abilities surprised many foes who made the costly mistake of underestimating her. One of Morit's favored traveling companions around the time of the Battle of Bloody Kithicor, where she joined the others in enlisting to fight along side the Army of Light.
Status: Deceased? - Battle of Bloody Kithicor (Turned into undead, slain by Morituus) (Effects on Norrath's timeline due to events in The Void are unknown)


Scarth "Scar/Geico" Gender: Male Race: Iksar Class: Shadow Knight
     Born in Cabalis but raised on the mean streets of Qeynos, this extremely tough and durable shadowknight was a valuable addition to the guild around the time they started branching out into the merc business. Although Morit would never acknowledge it his importance, Scar earned the respect of the other members of the guild very early on. His designation as the main tank of Snakegod's elite A-Team is a testament to the amount of respect the wizard has for his abilities.
Status: Semi-Deceased - Lavastorm (Killed by Tirranun, mistaken as 'feigned' by Redd, corpse continues making appearances a la Weekend at Bernie's)


Seja Gender: Female Race: Human Class: Necromancer
     Brains and beauty all wrapped into one bangin' body. Extremely dangerous in combat. Once thought to be a hot lesbian by the male members of the guild due to her continued rejection of their numerous advances. Invited to join Snakegod's elite A-Team after proving her worth by almost besting Morit in a caster duel.
Status: Pregnant


Kanrian "Kan" Gender: Male Race: Wood Elf Class: Druid
     Ambien's oldest son and leader of the "Sons of Ambien" - a guild allied with Snakegod that is comprised entirely of Ambien's offspring, notorious for their brutally efficient combat style and 'take no prisoners, leave no witnesses' policy when it comes to their enemies. Holds a grudge against Lanys T'Vyl for what happened to his father and gladly takes any opportunity that presents itself to get revenge. Although not actually under Morit's command, the SoA often lend their services to the wizard out of respect for the friendship he shared with their father. Due to their savage reputation, most of the other members of Snakegod are uncomfortable with these 'joint operations', but Morit and Vorp have complete faith in Kan and his brothers.
Status: Living


Beadil "B" Gender: Male Race: Wood Elf Class: Ranger
     Extremely good natured and an established marksman. Never fails to raise morale with his razor sharp wit or hit a target with his trusty bow. Has a tendency to die a lot, as all rangers do, but has managed to always get a rez so far. Hand picked by Morit to break through the Firiona Vie blockade.
Status: Unknown - Fall of Firiona Vie (Sent by Morituus to oversee command of the front lines, presumed dead)


Tecdor "Tec" Gender: Male Race: Half Elf Class: Mor Drone
     A bard who insists he's not a bard, but some made-up class called 'Mor Drone'. Most members of the community dismiss him as crazy, but Morit plays along with the mor drone's delusions because the half elf is an exceptionally skilled bard. During the battle to defend Firiona Vie, the wizard designates his friend to be his eyes on the battlefield. During the city's evacuation, the bard is entrusted with the safety of two HVI's who's lives Morit values more than his own.
Status: Slightly Insane


Phryk Gender: Male Race: Halfling Class: Rogue
     Featured in the second part of the story. Vorp's cousin.
Status: Living



NPC

King Tearis Thex Gender: Male Race: High Elf Class: Unknown
     The elven king and lawful husband of Amnerys. Constantly harassed by his old rival Mayong Mistmoore, he often sends his loyal subjects to the vampire's lair in futile attempts to slay him. Promises to reward Morit anything in his kingdom in exchange for getting rid of the monster's presence from the Fay. Ends up banishing the victorious champion from his lands after finding out about young wizard's intention of stealing his wife.
Status: Living


Mayong Mistmoore Gender: Male Race: Vampire Class: Unknown
     Punished long ago by the gods themselves for unspeakable crimes, the lord of shadow spent his time harassing the people of Faydark before suddenly disappearing from the elven lands forever. He later resurfaced in the underground lands of Darkhollow, but was defeated by the same person who had banished him from his castle many years before. Soon returned again, this time with new god-like powers, and set into motion a chain of events that threatened the safety of the last remnants of the once mighty Combine Empire.
Status: Deceased - Solteris, the Throne of Ro (Killed by Morituus and Solusek Ro in the second part of the story)


Galeth Veredeth Gender: Male Race: High Elf Class: Paladin
     Trusted henchman of King Tearis, assigned as personal bodyguard for Amy. Almost slayed Morit when he caught the two young lovers alone in her room. Betrayed his king and country by having an affair with the queen. Mistakenly thought to be the biological father of Firiona Vie.
Status: Living


Al'Kabor "Al" Gender: Male Race: Erudite Class: Wizard
     A former traveling spell salesman and eventual commander of the defending forces of Firiona Vie. Unmatched in academic intelligence, but a complete moron when it comes to real world applications. Famous throughout the lands of Norrath for creating completely useless spells. Despised by his wizard brethren for creating said spells. Is forcefully removed from command of the army defending Firiona Vie by Morit shortly before the city's fall. Last seen desperately casting an evacuation portal while being strangled by the high elf.
Status: Missing - Fall of Firiona Vie (Attacked by Morituus during the battle, never seen again, if there's no body then there's no murder case)


Lord Inquisitor Seru Gender: Male Race: Human Class: Paladin
     Leader of a splinter faction of the ancient Combine Empire and an old rival of Morit. Murderer of Tsaph Katta. Has lived an unnaturally long life using questionable methods. Strong dislike of all evil races. Confronted by the wizard on Luclin and is defeated by the wizard in an officially sanctioned Jankenpo match.
Status: Deceased - Sanctus Seru (Killed by Arishkogol's raid party before Morituus could land finishing blow)


Avatar of Quellious "Mr. Clean" Gender: Male Race: Unknown Class: Unknown
     The avatar of the Goddess of Tranquility. Assigned by the gods as their designated impartial representative for the official Jankenpo match between Morit and Seru. Displays the physical appearance of a bald human dressed in a white tunic and matching pants.
Status: Living


Xegony the Queen of Air Gender: Female Race: Unknown Class: Unknown
     One of the four major elemental Gods of Power and wielder of the Legendary Breasts of Eryslai. Once thought an impossible feat, Morit became the first mortal to ever scale those majestic peaks.
Status: Living


Tirranun the Ancient Protector Gender: Male Race: Dragon Class: Unknown
     A really big and pissed off dragon rampaging through Lavastorm Mountains. Members of Snakegod's A-Team are contracted by the Solusek Mining Company to assist a large raid force that is attempting to stop his trail of devastation.
Status: Living


Ancient Megalodon's Corpse Gender: Unknown Race: Shark Class: Unknown
     A really big shark.
Status: Deceased - Lake Rathetear (Caught by Morituus, cleaned and gutted, used by the Sons of Ambien to ambush one of the blockade ships)


Solusek Ro the Burning Prince Gender: Male Race: Unknown Class: Wizard
     Featured in the second part of the story. Spoiled son of the god of fire. Raised the Serpent's Spine while throwing a massive tantrum, devastating the ancient lands of Tunaria and leading to the massive elven exodus to Faydwer.
Status: Deceased - Solteris, the Throne of Ro (Killed by Morituus in the second part of the story)


Mayor "Don" Gubbin Gender: Male Race: Halfling Class: Warrior
     Featured in the second part of the story. Corrupt public official, boss of Rivervale. Not evil, but not actually 'good' either. Indifferent towards Morit and Vorp. Designated as an HVI by the Obliteration Army prior to the invasion, he is held hostage by Prathun's squad during their occupation of the city as a form of leverage against any Army of Light forces attempting to re-take the city.
Status: Deceased? - Occupation of Rivervale (Unfortunate result of collateral damage, crushed by one of Morit's spells) (Effects on Norrath's timeline due to events in The Void are unknown, probably rezzed by one of his goons later anyway so no harm no foul... right?)



SOE STAFF

Amnerys "Amy" Gender: Female Race: High Elf Class: Unknown
     Extremely horny. Chosen by King Tearis Thex to be his young queen. Mother of Firiona Vie. Also Morit's first true love. The mysterious woman that most norrathians know only as "The Queen", Morit simply knew as his sweet Amy. It was on her account that the young wizard defeated a legendary monster and defied his oathsworn king, but unfortunately a life spent 'happily ever after' together was not to be. The pair of star-crossed lovers would soon be torn apart and sent along separate paths to fulfill their inescapable destinies - one as the tragic mother of EQ's most famous pin-up girl, and the other as Norrath's Greatest Pimp.
Status: Deceased - Felwithe (Died during childbirth, per official game lore)


Zatozia "Zat" Gender: Female Race: Dark Elf Class: Cleric
     A sadistic torturer from Neriak with ginormous boobs. Runs an illegal trafficking ring out of her parent's basement, which she uses to supply herself with unwilling test subjects for her numerous experiments. A naturally gifted healer, but has a tendency to be intentionally sloppy when it comes to healing her victims. Also has ginormous boobs (worth mentioning twice - they're that big... but not as big as Xegony's).
Status: Busty


Prathun Gender: Male Race: Unknown Class: Rogue
     Claims to be a foreign born halfling. Makes frequent trips to Rivervale, often recruiting disenchanted young halflings to join him on his long journeys by promising them the opportunity to make a name for themselves out in the real world. Is finally exposed as a fraud by Vorp and Morit. Years later, the creature dubbed "The Butcher" returns to his old hunting grounds as the commander of an elite Obliteration Army commando unit. Using his intimate knowledge of the halflings' home town, the dark elven force quickly takes control of Rivervale during the Battle of Bloody Kithicor.
Status: Deceased? - Occupation of Rivervale (Killed by Phryk in the second part of the story) (Effects on Norrath's timeline due to events in The Void are unknown)


Sklug Gender: Male Race: High Elf Class: Paladin
     Featured in the second part of the story. Morit's commanding officer during the Battle of Bloody Kithicor. Does not allow the Snakegod crew to leave their posts once word spreads that Rivervale had been taken over. Leaving their other companions to cover for them, Morit and Vorp ignore his orders and go AWOL to rescue the halfling's family.
Status: Deceased? - Battle of Bloody Kithicor (Turned into undead, slain by Morituus) (Effects on Norrath's timeline due to events in The Void are unknown)


Grimwell Gender: Male Race: Gnome Class: Unknown
     Featured in the second part of the story. Evil minion of a notorious international criminal organization. Commands an entire legion of blood sucking lawyers, which he freely uses to carry out his nefarious deeds. NOTE: It could be argued that this description of his role in the novel is also a fitting summary of his actual role in real life.
Status: Living



 

Critical Reception


"Heartwarming and heartfelt... a true masterpiece. Unfortunately, I'm still going to have to ban you again." - Zatozia

Initial reviews were overwhelmingly positive, and the couple negative ones that were posted were immediately reported (by Morit) to the forum moderator and promptly removed.

The following are excerpts from reader reviews:
(Feedback sent via PM's are listed as 'Anonymous' to comply with SOE forum policy of keeping Private Messages 'private')

  • "There are no words except one - Epic" - Riker
  • "I died laughing" - shadow
  • "I see the brilliance that is the persona you play" - Lost_Map
  • "I enjoyed everyone's stories" - Najae
  • "Extremely long" - jeep
  • "Genius" - Anonymous
  • "You're not much of a writer" - Anonymous
  • "Winston Groom should sue you" - Anonymous
  • "Fantastically wonderful" - Anonymous
  • "Filled with lovable characters and outrageous situations" - Anonymous
  • "What did I ever do to you?" - Anonymous
  • "Okay, that was good" - Anonymous
  • "It was the little things that made it funny" - Anonymous
  • "An interesting take on actual events" - Anonymous
  • "I loved it" - Anonymous
  • "Dude" - Anonymous
  • "Wit and humor to its fullest" - LadyStarrieDancer
  • "I started to read it... my soul withered inside a little bit" - Anonymous
  • "Not only has Zatozia read it (and looked somewhat traumatized when she related this to me) but Brasse may have as well" - Anonymous
  • "You expected me to read all those words?" - Arishkogol

 

Adaptations


 

Live Action Movie

     Due to TUYCTHONTTMDNWYTK's incredible popularity, Morit immediately began negotiations for a live action feature film adaptation of the novel. He quickly came to financial terms with Sony Pictures Entertainment (Sony's film production and distribution unit) and John Smedley (President of Sony Online Entertainment), who agreed to sign on as a producer.
     Unfortunately, this marriage of convenience started to turn sour when executives at Sony insisted on hiring world famous director Uwe Boll to helm the project. They believed that Mr. Boll would be a terrific addition to the team due to his extensive experience filming video game adaptations. Morit, for his part, vehemently argued against this decision but his passionate pleas fell upon deaf ears. With both sides refusing to give in, production ground to a halt and the project was eventually scrapped.

     

 
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