Everything You Want To Know
(And a couple things you probably don't)

Morituus the Censored

     "Saint" Morituus the Censored, Legend of Norrath, usually referred to as just Morit, is a Player Character in the 3-D fantasy-themed massively multiplayer online role-playing game EverQuest (EQ) . Originally residing on the Mithaniel Marr server, Morit was formally on the Saryrn server after Sony Online Entertainment's (SOE) initial round of server merges back in 2005. The character is currently housed on the Bertox server as a result of the most recent merge in June 2010.
     Morituus officially retired from Everquest in 2013/2014 after SOE parted ways with several long time members of their staff. However, Everquest still holds a special place in his heart and he occasionally returns for brief stints - usually to play with his kids during their summer breaks.
     While the in-game character itself would be considered only average, at best, in both power and achievement for his level, a separate "Morit persona" has developed over the years that has garnered a limited amount of notoriety within the EQ community. Admittedly, this fame has diminished over time, but his lasting impact on official SOE policy cannot be denied. What follows is a collection of information chronicling the major events that shaped his EQ life.

     Update/Disclaimer (2018): All of the information contained on this site was accurate at the time of its launch in 2010. Unfortunately, almost a decade later, much of it is now outdated (and Morit is just too damn lazy to go about updating it).
     Just enjoy this for what it is - keeping in mind that all the stuff documented here (no matter how messed up it sounds) actually happened either in the game or on the official forums.



 Born:   March 17, 1999
         Felwithe, Faydwer

 Server: Mithaniel Marr

 Gender: Male

 Race:   High Elf

 Class:  Wizard

 Active: 1999* - 2013

Real Life

"So how's your wife and my kids?" - Vorp, Snakegod guild leader

Not the real Morit
     In real life, the person who plays Morit is a faithful husband and a loving father of three children who lives in Hawaii. A roofer/construction worker by trade and an ordained minister by calling, the 'real' Morit holds vastly different beliefs and morals than his crudely arrogant (and sometimes sexist) alter ego. However, the two do share some characteristics, such as an extreme dislike for condescending or belittling behavior, and a soft spot for those less fortunate than himself.
     'Real' Morit was a promising tennis player coming out of high school, but found limited success in college, and practically no success during his short stint as a pro. After his junior year in college, he required surgery to repair an injury that had been nagging him all season. Earlier in the semester, his coach introduced him to a new game called 'EverQuest'. Although fairly reluctant at first, he eventually became addicted to the magical world of Norrath and played constantly (much to the detriment of his rehab, as well as his relationship with his girlfriend/future-wife) throughout the summer until hanging it up when it was time to return to school in the fall. He played out his senior year and was given an opportunity to participate in a pro/am circuit after graduating. 'Real' Morit spent the next summer getting his butt kicked up and down the Pacific Northwest, with the only prize money he received during that entire trip being for winning the back-draw (champion of the losers - yay!) of one of the larger tournaments. He received a check for $50 that his (future) wife made a homemade frame to display it in - and to this very day it's still hanging on his wall, uncashed (and still in the ridiculous looking frame that he never had the balls to get rid of at the risk of hurting his wife's feelings).
     With his tennis playing days now over, it didn't take long for EQ to find it's way back into his life. Although the responsibilities that come with growing up, getting married, and raising kids has steadily decreased his playing time over the years, EQ will forever hold a special place in his heart. Among the lasting effects of EQ on his life: the coach that had introduced him to EQ served as one of the groomsmen at his wedding, and 'real' Morit later named his first son after one of his EQ characters.
     Ironically, his second son was named after one of the competitors from Sasuke, a japanese extreme sports competition. 'Real' Morit briefly retired from EQ (again) in the spring of 2008 to focus on training to enter the competition. He was making good progress with his strength and conditioning program for the first couple months... until he was crushed by a falling crate at work. Being unable to train due to his injuries, he ended up dabbling with EQ and (just like 9 years prior) became addicted again after playing constantly during his rehab over the summer. Since then he's given up using the term "retiring from EQ" (he's been compared to Brett Farvre), and instead just occasionally takes "extended breaks" from the game.
     'Real' Morit's third child, a daughter, arrived a bit early during the summer of 2010. 'Real' Morit had expressed his desire for a particular name that was inspired by his long time forum rival (and former EQ Community Relations manager) Zatozia. Upon hearing what he had in mind, 'real' Morit's wife stripped him of all naming power for their daughter, deeming the term/name he had chosen "highly offensive".
     It has recently been rumored that 'real' Morit is now attending online classes to pursue a degree in Education. Whether or not this is true (or simply another one of his bs schemes) is anyone's guess.


Morit "Persona"

"Hell, I don't know - it's Morituus. That's his 'thing', that's what he likes to say." - Zatozia, during UStream event for Valentine's Day 2010


Olympic Gold
     Morit allied himself with several prominent guilds on the Mithaniel Marr server over the years - Kastamunki, Excelsior, Graveyardshift, Lords of the Dragon, and Deadly Sleep are among the short yet esteemed list of guilds to be able to boast of having him as a member. However, he spent most of his pre-Snakegod years as a spellcaster for hire - an early version of a PC merc, and business was "booming": "No self-respecting wizard 'needs' a guild. Guilds like to tag along with me to kill big mobs that they can't do on their own, and I only tolerate them because they pay me well. I used to join guilds for the women, but now that I am so bad ass I get them for free."
     Then one fateful day he met a short dwarf paly named "Redd". The little guy had been looking for a group for hours in general chat, and was starting to sound like he was about to cry. So Morit, the kind soul that he is, took pity on the noob and invited him over to join him. The two hit it off right away, and a few weeks later Morit was asked to join Snakegod. Morit had remembered the name from the early days of EQ, and asked Redd how he got mixed up with those guys. Apparently the original leader had befriended the dwarf and the two of them had decided to 'resurrect' the guild in an effort to bring it back to it's former glory. As a favor to his friend, Morit agreed to join them, but deep down he knew he wouldn't be staying long - a feeling that was only reinforced once he met Vorp, the guild leader. Naturally Morit was wrong, and he's been a key member of the guild ever since (aside from a few short periods of time when Vorp kicked him out temporarily).
     Morit's exploits during his run with Snakegod, especially before they knew any better, became the stuff of legend. It was during these early years that he revealed that he had obtained a PhD in Art History from the University of Chicago, and subsequently insisted that all members of the guild address him as "Dr. Morit". He also shared with them the story behind his Olympic gold metal in the Gigantic Penis Competition at the 2000 Sydney Games. This incident marked the first occasion where a portion of Morit's crotch became a permanent fixture in the Snakegod guild. Another historical day was when he proudly announced that he had completed the long and dedicated process of becoming an ordained minister... except unlike his other claims, this one was actually true. There were countless other tales of Morit's Snakegod adventures, but unfortunately many were lost over time due to forum crashes and PC failures.
     As the years went by (and Morit kept on refusing to leave), it came to the point where he had told so many different half-truths (and sometimes flat out lies) that he became unable to separate fact from fiction regarding what he was telling his fellow guildies. Although he tried valiantly at first to keep his stories straight, it soon became obvious to the others that anything from his mouth couldn't be fully trusted. For example...
     In his early days, Morit claimed he was European irl, from Sweden. That was until a bard named Hoorn joined the guild and revealed that HE was from Sweden. At this point Morit said he was a 12 year old Canadian. Later, he insisted he was a 52 year old black man from Chicago with a mohawk and an extensive collection of gold chains (this ruse didn't last long, as it was only a short time later that Mr. T began appearing in WoW commercials). He eventually settled on being a construction worker from Hawaii, which was actually the truth. However, by this time the rest of his guild had stopped believing him and it wasn't until he started communicating with Vorp outside of EQ via their cell phones that everyone realized that he actually was from Hawaii. This was just one example of the elaborate web of intrigue that surrounded his real life place of residence - there were separate sets of complex stories for each individual aspect of his life.
     Eventually Morit branched out to the official EQ forums, bringing with his unorthodox style to SOE's home turf.
     It's also worth noting that Morit's first game-changing claim to fame happened during his early years with Snakegod. He and Redd were bored in PoK (which, at the time, was THE major hangout for toons when they weren't busy exploring the lands of Norrath) just hanging out when Morit got a brilliant idea. He found an enchanter and got scarecrow illusions for both himself and his friend. Back in those days, the scarecrow animation for sit/stand allowed you to imitate a certain sexual act if you timed it correctly. Morit and Redd proceeded to "hump" every single toon in PoK that they came across for the next half hour (or whatever it was when the buff finally wore off), including the enchanter who gave them the buff. Multiple players reported them and the sit/stand animation for the scarecrow model was soon changed. Unfortunately this incident occurred before Morit knew of Fraps, so other than a couple screenshots, the events that transpired on that glorious day were not properly documented.


Morit playing Killzone 2 during his
brief stint as an elite gamer.
Over the years, Morit's many stories began sharing similar traits. These recurring themes eventually became so frequent that others started to refer to them as his 'obsessions':
  • Morit's Crotch - The foremost of these obsessions is his own crotch. Originating with the 'Olympic Gold' incident, it soon grew out of hand and has spread to the point where Morit considers his crotch to be the unofficial '8th Wonder of Norrath'.
  • Boobies & Thongs - Morit also has a very strong affinity for boobies and thongs. However, he likes boobies more than thongs because boobies supply life-giving milk, whereas thongs go in an area that doodoo comes out of.     
  • Getting Rich - Morit is always coming up with schemes to get rich, be it in-game or irl. Examples of this include his EQ Weddings website or the numerous times he's "retired" from EQ to pursue various real life get-rich pursuits, such as competing in the Sasuke tournament or becoming a professional gamer because he heard they have lots of groupies (he later found out these groupies were mostly underaged teens, and quickly dropped that endevor... he kinda sucked at competative gaming anyway).
  • Vorp - Morit has also displayed a disturbing amount of time and energy to insulting his guild leader, Vorp. Common points of contention are Vorp's physically unappealing appearance, lack of personal hygiene, and small physical stature (of ALL his eq toons - RL Vorp is actually considerably taller than RL Morit, but for some reason he plays only short races).


     Over the years, Morit has garnered a considerable amount of criticism for his unorthodox behavior. The most common accusations are that he is arrogant, perverted, and irritating. Morit's official response: "Guilty on on counts, and proud of it."
     However, while Morit may indeed be all of these things, he's never been selfish or cruel towards others and has always been open to extending a genuine olive branch to those he's had confrontations with. It's these 'better' qualities have endeared him to a small group of players and forum lurkers who stubbornly support him no matter how insane his behavior may appear to be. Morit is eternally grateful to these individuals, and rewards them by relentlessly teasing/insulting them (in a good natured way) every chance he gets.


Lady Amyres, the Bearer of Cleavage
     In the summer of 2010, Morit decided to try out for the SOE Guide program to give back to the gaming community that he loved. One of the benefits that guides receive is a "free" Everquest account, but Morit was not sure how this would affect his Veteran's rewards so he created a new account that he would have flagged as the "free" account, even though he had no intention of playing another toon. Unfortunately, although he was accepted into the Guide program, Morit was unable to complete (or even start, to be honest) the training due to his wife throwing a major fit upon hearing his plans to be a volunteer guide. However, although Morit regretfully sent in his resignation, he forgot to cancel the new account he had started up.
     In January of 2011 (better late than never), Morit and company began working on thier House of Thule progression. Although HoT was no where near as hardcore as Underfoot was when it came to difficulty, Morit began to realize that there was no way they were going to get through it with his wizard as the guild's puller and main source of crowd control. After giving it some thought, Morit remembered his old "guide account" was still active with two level 10 (the minimum requirement to be accepted into the guide program) toons on it. He decided to use that account to level an Enchanter as a form of CC to help make the progression missions doable. Morit had no intention of actually "playing" the enchanter, and was only going to use it to mez mobs in camp and give them mana regen buffs. Upon hearing this, Vorp suggested he try a bard instead, and was able to convince Morit to change his plans by pointing out that a bard could be a female wood elf. Although reluctant at first, Morit soon admitted that Vorp's idea to create a bard was a very good one.
     Morit named his bard "Amyres" - after former EQ Community Relations representative (and now EQ2's CR manager - grats on the promotion, Amy!) Amnreys, since she once mentioned that her character of choice was a bard. To make sure his bard stands out in a crowd, Morit continues to wear a low level "leather" looking chest piece - because the leather look shows the most cleavage. While Morit is very happy with her "look", it did take him a while to get used to all the strange tells from horney players on his server.


Morituus Girls

"It sounds like... I don't know, it's weird... like... a whore house, and you're the pimp." - Maisey, on joining the Morituus Girls


Morit and the twins
     The origins of this often misunderstood group can be traced to Snakegod, but they eventually spread to members outside the guild, and eventually even off Morit's home server. Women naturally gravitate towards him, and it was only a matter of time before a group of them banded together in order to pay proper homage to his greatness.
     Contrary to popular belief, the Morituus Girls are NOT a harem, but a sophisticated group of female gamers with a fun sense of humor. As mentioned previously, Morit is a faithful and loving husband irl, and therefore in no way shape or form did he (either in-game or out) ever sleep or cyber with anyone other than his wife in his entire life (they met during their first semester in collage). From a psychological standpoint, it is worth pointing out that his strict devotion to this monogamous long term relationship is likely the major contributing factor to his Morit persona's defining characteristic of being a manwhore.
     Never the less, the fact remains that Morit is not a pimp, and the Morituus Girls (as a collective group) is not a whore house.

Entrance Requirements

     There is only one requirement for being a Morituus Girl - you must be a female irl (the only exception being "the twins"). However, although the entrance requirements might be simple, verification that a particular applicant meets the criteria is not.
     There are a number tests that have been employed to expose potential frauds, and the exact methods used are unique to each case. The preferred (although, least popular) method is for the applicant to send a real life picture of themselves (preferably naked) with an agreed upon detail in the pic to prove that the chick is indeed the applicant (preferably a tattoo with Morit's name in it). The most common method is the issuance of a standard question from Morit: "Wanna cyber?" The applicant's response is then psychologically analyzed, with the results determining whether or not full membership is granted.
     There are several other testing methods that have been used on occasion, but Morit has an uncanny ability to spot fake women - in a controlled Snakegod study, his cyber question was statistically found to be 99.7% accurate.


      A couple RL female EQ players are sometimes mistaken as being official members of the Morituus Girls. This confusion is most likely the result of their participation in Morit's forum contest entry entitled "Friendship Knows No Server Boundaries" (a.k.a. "The Best Little Cathouse in Norrath"). For this contest, Morit submitted a picture of himself surrounded by a group of female PC characters with the guild tag "Morituus Girls of Maelin". This is an actual in-game guild, and is the first branch of the Morituus Girls that is not located on Morit's home server. Maelin was chosen to accommodate Riker and Maisey, who are not official members of the Morituus Girls (Riker is a distant blood relative of Morit, and Maisey mistakenly associated the group as a form of organized prostitution) but still wanted to participate in order to get a cut of the prize for winning.
     Their inclusion in Morit's TUYCTHONTTMDNWYTK novel further increased confusion within the gaming community, but the fact remains that neither is an actual Morituus Girl.

Commonly mistaken non-members:

  • Riker (aka Emarinn)
  • Maisey

Official Roster

  • Thur
  • Deadgirl
  • Vix
  • Swand
  • Snowy
  • Miss Jackie
  • Wyndi (?)
  • Candi
  • Mandi


Videos - (Also see 'Video Collection')

"This is pretty much the worst video ever made." - Jon Heder, Napoleon Dynamite

Early Works

     Inspired by Amie of Guild Mirage, Morit got the urge to create videos of his own. Knowing nothing about how to go about doing this, he actually contacted Amie and received some helpful flash tips. Unfortunately, he still didn't know what he was doing, and video making got put on the back burner for a while. Years later, Morit tried again, this time using Windows Movie Maker. Combined with Fraps and an ever increasing screenshot archive, this allowed even a simpleton like Morit to create basic movies. After a couple test clips, Morit's first "real" video was the Snakegod Recruitment Video. After a couple other clumsy attempts, he made a retirement video entitled Goodbye EQ for the members of his guild, but unfortunately for them his "retirement" proclamation was a little premature and he soon returned to the game. Shortly thereafter, Morit started dabbling with Flash again and actually started to get the hang of it. He made a couple experimental videos before making the video that he would eventually be most known for.

The Impel Video

Impel video
     It started because of a thread on the graffe (old school wizard website) forums. A thread was made about how completely useless the wizard spell "Impel" was, and inspired by comments by a couple of the posters, Morit set out to make a video to illustrate just how lame the spell was. The video consisted of a series of still shots showing Morit standing atop a ledge on the second floor of the guild hall, facing the entrance. Eventually it turns to video of him casting Impel and doing a "super jump" through the big window thing on the other side before crashing into the opposite wall/door and falling to the ground. It then cuts to scenes of people cheering him while still shots flash across the screen depicting him becoming famous because of his stupid stunt.
     While the concept was rather stupid, quite a few of the members in the wizard community found it mildly amusing and it became the video that Morit would be most known for.

Later Works

     Morit would go on to make a few more flash videos, including a second retirement-like video... except this time he actually un-retired before he actually finished the video, which necessitated a slight change to the end credits. The Snakegod TV video came later and has been called his "best" video on more than one occasion. He based it as an EQ version of the Phoenix Wrong series of videos on youtube and was in the process of making a second video like it when he happened across the TV show Robot Chicken, whose tv-static transition style and clip randomness were basically the same as what his videos were doing. Disappointed that he was unknowingly creating a flat out ripoff of RC, Morit abandoned the second SGtv video.
     During his NGP fad, Morit made a video promoting his new would-be website, but never actually openly released it due to the whole situation with his desired title going to crap. He also started a SoD themed video, but took a break halfway through. When he returned he looked over the first half that he had created and realized it wasn't very good and decided to drop the project. This also effectively ended his planned UF themed video, which was to be directly related to the SoD one. Lastly, he recently did work on a video for his "epic" TUYCTHONTTMDNWYTK novel, but ended up scrubbing that project as well, this time due to his lack of artistic talent. Instead, he reverted back to using photoshopped rl/screenshot pictures, but later decided to drop the project again - this time for good. His completed pictures are included in the Gallery.

     In 2018, Morit returned to Everquest briefly to go through the Planes of Power expansion progression with his son. He made one last video to document the experience. It included two parts: the main progression video and a collection of group screenshots with the corpses of most (they didn't get screenshots of the Plane of Innovation bosses) of the raid mobs they killed. The main progression video contains four "Easter Eggs" hidden with the screenshots, while the group screenshot video also includes pictures of some of his stunts he pulled on the official SOE message boards from years past.

     Morit has no other current video projects in development.



Crotch Dance

"I have found God and his name is Morituus." - Miss Jackie, Morituus Girl

Common Misconception

     One important thing to note is that Morit's Crotch Dance is often mistakenly interpreted as being just a 'pose', but this couldn't be further from the truth. The Dance, in it's entirety, consists of not only shoving his crotch in peoples' faces but also of the process of getting it there, as well as their reaction to his crotch being shoved in their face. It's like a graceful ballet - except the primo ballerino isn't wearing any clothes. To call it anything else does not do it justice and is, quite frankly, slanderous.


Former victims wise up
     Morit's "Crotch Dance" dates back to early 2005, and it's actual origin can be specifically traced back to the Snakegod guild hall. Morit's guildies used to like to go afk in the guild hall jacuzzi and one day he happened upon one of them and said to himself, "Hey, wouldn't it be a great idea if I took off all my clothes and crouched in front of her face while she's afk so that the first thing she sees when she comes back is my crotch in her face!" So he stripped down naked (both in-game and irl - because eq is more fun when you really get into character), equipped a hammer (for good measure), and loaded up Bind Sight to make sure that she would get the proper view when she returned (and not, like, a leg or foot or something).
     He had to wait a bit, but when she did come back she immediately stood up, took a few steps backwards, faced a different direction, and then sat right back down. So naturally, he casted bind sight again and proceeded to place his crotch back in her face. She then stood up, turned around, ran to a wall, and sat down facing the wall. Morit was foiled. However, he thought the whole incident was so funny that he proceeded to do this to every guildmate that he found afk in the jacuzzi (man or woman).
     What he found out over the next week or so was that every single person reacted the EXACT same way (at least, the first time he did this to them) when they came back to their computer: Step 1) Stand up. Step 2) Turn slightly. Step 3) Sit down again. So Morit, in turn, would do EXACTLY the same thing he always did: Step 1) Cast Bind Sight. Step 2) Re-position his crotch. Step 3) Laugh his butt off.
     Now, the really, REALLY interesting thing he found was that while everyone's INITIAL reaction was the same, peoples' further reactions after a round or two were vastly different. Most would do the "face the wall" thing after 2 or 3 crotches, with the kinda not-so-bright ones taking a few additional crotches before catching on. However, there was this one chick who kept repeating the process for a good half hour (sh*t you not!). She just kept on moving and sitting right back down and Morit would just keep moving right back in her face. It got to the point where he didn't even bother clicking off Bind Sight - and would just run around til he came on the screen, then home in on her face again. She eventually gated.
     This went on for a week or so before Morit eventually ran out of "victims" because whenever he logged on anyone who was afk would already have their toons facing a wall.

First  GM  Guide

Morit and GM Tanaix
     Years passed, and although his opportunities were rather limited, Morit continued to do The Dance every chance he had. Then one day an old guildie returned to try out the game again. His was a unique case: years ago, long before Morit joined Snakegod, this guy was good friends with Vorp. He had retired, but let his younger sister (side note: this sister went on to become one of the Morituus Girls) use his account to play eq and when she was learning the ropes he told her to join Snakegod because it was run by an old friend. Upon his return, the brother didn't really trust Morit because he (Morit) was always hitting on his sister (in jest).
     One day, while Morit and the brother found themselves alone in the guild hall (he was facing the wall, of course). They started talking and the topic comes up that Morit was the undefeated champion of duels in the guild with a flawless overall record (outside of the guild as well) of 136-0. The brother, eager to butt heads with Morit, stated that there was no way a wizard could be the dueling champion because there were so many other classes that were way better suited for eq's style of pvp. Morit simply stated that while that was true, he was an extraordinarily talented duelist who uses every ability given to his class to overcome any other class's natural advantage in a fight.
     Presented with the opening that he had been looking for ever since his return, the brother immediately challenged Morit to a duel. However, Morit replied (truthfully) that he had retired a long time ago and felt there was nothing to prove - the brother need only ask the others in the guild about his awesomeness. The brother proceeded to insult Morit and tried to goad him into accepting the challenge. This went back and forth for a while until the brother went out of his way to brake the stalemate - if Morit defeated his paladin in a duel, he would let him cyber with his sister. Faced with such a rare opportunity, Morit put his perfect record on the line and came out of retirement.
     As the reigning grand champion, it was Morit's right to demand certain conditions. He made it a condition that they be grouped for the duration of the duel and also requested a wide-open zone (this was just a distraction, as he could've beaten the paladin in the guild hall if he had wanted to). They decided on Field of Bone and headed out to do battle.
     The two combatants squared off just outside of casting range. Once Morit accepted the duel, the brother immediately charged. This figured right into the wizard's plan, and he started spamming his Greater Decession spell. It went off before the paladin even got into melee range, and Morit got the message that he had defeated the brother in a duel because he had fled like a cowardly dog.
     Upon zoning, Morit asked him where his sister was. He didn't like that. He said that was the most chickensh*t thing he ever saw and demanded a rematch. Morit obliged him, and they went at it again - but this time, the brother was ready. This duel was an epic struggle that lasted almost an hour, because he kept disbanding the group so Morit couldn't decession him. Morit would yell at him about cheating, so he'd join the group, but would then end up disbanding again once Morit started casting his decession. Finally the paladin got sloppy and Morit landed a winning decession. Amazingly, he wanted another shot at the champion, but by this point Morit was getting bored and informed him that he was retired. He really didn't like that.
     Anyway, fast forward a few (non-duel) decessions later and the brother was resorting to trying to train the Iksar guards on Morit. Unfortunately, he didn't understand how agro works (or how it changed) so he never succeeded in getting Morit killed. He did, however, manage to accidentally kill an innocent noob who was just zoning in from PoK. Morit was standing there watching the whole thing - the guards were standing around like they always do before they path back after losing agro, when some poor guy pops up right in the middle of them. He never stood a chance. Being a wizard, there was nothing Morit could do so he took a couple screenshots of the dead guy and start calling the brother a noob griefer. He got all irate and logged off.
     So the next day Morit was running around in Old Seb to raise his live Guk faction for the stupid wood elf illusion mask.  As he was working his way down to the reets... BAM - out of no where a (female)  GM * (there have been some reports that she is actually a Guide, but screenshots taken that day show her listed as a GM in-game due to how the coding works to allow guides to do their thing without getting flagged as hacking) pops on his head!  She starts talking to him and it turns out that the noob that got killed the other day reported him.  Realizing that what had happened, Morit turned on his charm and explained that it was all a misunderstanding, all the while flirting with her (it's very important to point out that Morit never mentioned the brother, cause Morit's not a narc - he simply talked his way out of any punishment). The  GM  Guide soon cleared him of any wrong doing and continued to flirt, giving him cookies and alcohol, and started turning herself into various player races.  Then, suddenly, she changed herself into a gnome.
     Now, you might be asking yourself, what's so special about gnomes?  At face value... nothing.  They are irritating little rodents, made all the more irritating by the fact that Vorp is obsessed with them (along with halflings).  However, you must also realize that the height of a female gnome standing up is the approximate height of a female wood elf (sexiest of all female player races) sitting down... while afk.
     So this triggers a light bulb in Morit's head, and he said to himself, "Hey, wouldn't it be a great idea if I took off all my clothes and put my crotch in her face like I used to do with all my guildies."  So he strip down naked, equip his hammer, loaded up Bind Sight, and stuck his crotch in her face. However, she did not like it, and immediately responded with: "Get that thing out of my face." There were a few other choice words exchanged, but long story short, she didn't like Morit's crotch so he told her she must be a man in real life. In retaliation, she said that if he didn't cut it out, his account would be suspended for sexually harassing an SOE employee... to which Morit replied "Yup, definitely a man", before gating out.

Acts of Civil Disobedience

     It would be a long time later, but when Morit started his rebellion against SOE, his crotch and it's accompanying dance would become an effective weapon. The following is a 'hit list' of SOE employees and representatives that found their faces on the receiving end of his crotch at one point in time or another:

  • Zatozia the Torturess, EQ Community Relations Manager
  • Jarning, Lead GM
  • Tanaix the Songbird,  GM  Senior Guide*
  • Krystal the Kindhearted, Senior Guide
  • Tugmokk the Party Bouncer, Guide
  • Katilina the Krazy, Guide
  • Khamaxx the Night Kissed, Guide



"It's funny how annoying a little prick can be." - Gary Shandling, Iron Man 2


Revolutionary propaganda - circa 2008
     Morit was a revolutionary on the official EQ forums - calling out and openly rebelling against SOE's oppressive policies - long before it became the 'trendy' thing to do. While only recently has it been deemed an 'honor' to be 'banned' by SOE, Morit has been pioneering the art for years.
     However, there was a time, long ago, when Morit was a normal rule-abiding forum poster. That all changed one night while he was trying to boost his post count to be able to get a custom avatar. While attempting to post a reply to every active thread he could find, he got caught up in one of HH-Silver's weekly rampages.
     The actual reason for all the fuss has been lost to time, but what is known is that it culminated in the epic "Happy Holidays Spending Innumerous Lovely Very Eq Return In Super A Super Heavy In Time Hap Eq An Day" (it's an acronym... Tanise had to spell it out for him) thread on the Vet forum. Frequent forum poster Crazy_Cleric was a major part of that ordeal, and helped enable Morit to attain 300+ posts in one night (most of which were removed, but still got credited towards his post count). Antibane also lent him a helping hand in a separate set of threads.
     With the ability to use a forum avatar obtained Morit soon found himself both bored. He also became mildly amused at the heavy-handed censorship that the HH's continued to enforce over the forum populace. Sometimes seemingly non-offensive threads or comments were moved or deleted because they violated obscure portions of the forum rules of conduct. So Morit became determined to test how the HH's would react to posts that were crude, yet (technically) did not break any of the official rules.
     And so began the revolution.

Forum Contests - (Also see 'The Gallery')

The penis pirate
(Award winning)
     Morit's early efforts were mixed randomly into whatever replies he was making, but he quickly found that this method often just irritated other members of the playerbase. He shifted his focus to the EQ Trivia games that had helped him raise his post count in the early days. This also sometimes drew the ire of some of the other players, but by this time he had stopped caring and continues to be as crude as possible in those threads to this very day. A bigger problem with this strategy was that the HH's largely ignored the trivia games, and therefore made them a poor place to test SOE's limits. He soon found a suitable replacement in the "Just for Fun" forum, and then later in the official sponsored forum contests run by the EQ Customer Relations manager Zatozia.
     Morit began submitting entries to the contests that (while pushing the limits of common decency) are technically within the rules, yet outrageous enough so that SOE would never be able to actually allow them to win. Some examples of his entries include carving an outline of his crotch into a pumpkin for a jack-o-lantern contest, a screenshot of him doing a naked table dance in front of a screaming Zatozia and Amnerys for the Mr. Norrath 2010 contest, and a stick-man drawing of himself in a pirate costume (with a giant penis that was apparently misinterpreted as an innocent line). He actually won the contest with the stick-man drawing.
     For a full list of his forum contest entries, see 'the Gallery'.

The Petition

Thank you for your support
(t-shirt available for purchase at the store)
     Naturally, the nature of his entries resulted in a constant stream of defeats. However, this all changed one day when Zatozia mistakenly included Morit's name in the winner's list for the 2010 Haunted Art contest. The winning prize for this contest were custom forum AND in-game titles, and Morit quickly requested "Norrath's Greatest Pimp" (N.G.P.) as his choice. Zat quickly rejected his request and instructed him to select a different title. Morit spent the next few days throwing out various other ideas, including "Morituus, Pimp Extrordinare", "Morituus the Magnificently Endowed", and "Booty King Morituus, Pwner of Fine Buttockses Across Norrath". Like his NGP title, all these were also rejected.
     Growing increasingly irritated by Zat's lack of cooperation with bestowing upon him his proper reward, Morit took his plight to the people and started a petition entitled "Please, I need your help to stop the tyranny!" that stated Morit should be allowed to have the word "pimp" in his titles. Many noble citizens signed the petition despite the threat of retaliation from Zatozia and her henchmen, but it didn't take long for HH-Silver to bring an abrupt end to the movement by locking and moving the thread. Morit responded by starting a second petition, this one being super-secret, but (after a couple days) it too was eventually exposed and completely wiped off the face of the forums.
     In the end, Zat gave up on waiting for Morit to choose an appropriate title and just stuck him with "Norrath's Greatest Prima-donna". This was later changed to his current title of "Morituus the Censored".

Official list of honorable signees for the Glorious Petition to Stop the Tyranny Over the Lands of Norrath:

  • Morit was promised a complete list of the petition's participants by a trusted source within SOE, but so far his contact has failed to come through for him. Instead of providing a partial list based off his memory, Morit has chosen to wait until he has a full and accurate list of ALL the names before posting anything in order to properly honor each and every brave individual who stepped up to support him during his most desperate hour. UPDATE: Due to the recent changes to the official forums, acquiring this list may no longer be possible.

Sony Customer Relations

Quality time with Zat & Amy
Zatozia - SOE's EQ Customer Relations manager for the majority of Morit's time as an active participant on the official EQ forums. From the countless bannings to the numerous disqualifications of his forum contest entries, Zat always seemed to openly exhibit an extreme prejudice towards Morit and his crotch. However, despite the constant reprimands, there was a lighthearted playfulness about her scoldings that gave Morit the impression that deep down she was a good sport. And although he, in turn, often cited her as being the main source of evil on the forums during his numerous stunts, Morit always held Zat in very high esteem. On June 28th, 2010, it was announced that Zat was leaving EQ to be the customer relations manager for SWG. Upon hearing the news, Morit immediately changed his forum avatar and sig to mourn the sad occasion as "Black Monday". He meant to change it back after a week, but forgot... and for a great many months was just too lazy to do so.

Amnerys - Zat's lead minion. Be it editing his signature or deleting his posts, when it came to oppressing Morit it was Amy's job to take point. Not as openly playful as Zat, she never the less became one of Morit's main targets of his forum contests entries due to the prominent roles she played in his censorship on the forums. It should also be noted that Amy managed to escape Morit's crotch (the only SOE employee on record to have crossed paths with him in-game to be able to do so) during the Saryrn server's 10th Anniversary party due to him not knowing she was in attendance. She later became the Community Relations Manager for Everquest 2.

Grimwell - Apparently Zat's immediate supervisor during her reign. When Morit submitted a formal complaint about EQ's Community Relations manager to Zatozia charging that his forum contest entries were being unfairly disqualified, she forwarded it to Grimwell. In turn, he corresponded directly back to Morit and informed him that Sony had an entire legion of lawyers at it's disposal. Interestingly enough, one week later Morit was declared a winner of a forum contest for the first time. In another bizarre twist, it was actually Grimwell that came up with the title "the Censored" for Morit when all his proposed titles (such as 'Norrath's Greatest Pimp' and 'Bootyking') were being continually rejected by Zat.

Ashlanne - Morit hasn't really had very much first-hand interaction with Ashlanne, but she did censored his poem during the 2010 Valentine's Day UStream broadcast. After Kiara's departure, Ashlanne stopped by the EQ forums and filled in for a little while. During this time she appointed Morit to be SOE's official Player of the Month on the station forums. She also censored several of Morit's posts for various reasons, but assured him "we're cool" when he inquired if he was going to get banned again.

Kiara - Zat's replacement as EQ's Community Relations manager. It is widely believed that she was the one responsible for the revamp of the official EQ forums, which Morit doesn't like at all, but he chose not to hold it against her. Due to real life problems, Morit was MIA during a lot of the turmoil that occurred during the early stages of her reign, and he was therefore able to escape unscathed during her initial crackdown on the forums. Had he been present during this tumultuous time, their relationship might have ended up being quite different. Instead, Morit established a pleasant correspondence with Kiara upon his return. Additionally, he considerably toned down his public acts of disobedience. Once a proud and shining example of rebellion against an evil empire, Morit's track record during Kiara's reign would be more in line with that of an SOE Fan Boy. Whether this change in behavior was due to his respect for Kiara or the fear that he might actually get perma-banned from the forums has been the subject of numerous public debate. It's also possible that Morit came to consider rebellions to be rather "old hat" once it became the popular thing to do. In either case, Kiara ended up rewarding Morit's apparent fealty by altering his forum title to "He of the Famous [Censored]", which is a reference to his legendary crotch. That marked the first time that an employee of SOE has recognized it's greatness in an official capacity. Unfortunately, Kiara later left the employment of SOE. While many on the forums did not share his fond feelings for her, Morit was greatly disappointed by her departure and hopes she finds success and happiness wherever she goes.

Yes... I have no dignity

Piestro - After a long search, a halfling named Piestro was hired to replace Kiara as EQ Community Relations manager. Unlike the last few managers, Piestro was a man irl and was therefore immune to most of Morit's normal tactics when it came to dealing with the CR department. One of the first things he did upon taking over was put an end to the forum contests that Morit used as a staging ground for his rebellion. Deprived of his normal method of striking back at "The Man", Morit was not sure how to proceed with his numerous schemes and he decided to lay low for a long time while he gathered information about the "new guy" from his numerous sources within both SOE and the player community. Eventually he decided that the best course of action was to declare an unofficial ceasefire in hostilities and shamelessly suck up to the new manager (who by this time was no longer all that new), and so far his plan has netted some positive results. Early on, Morit had summited a list of demands to Piestro, and after many months of kissing hairy halfling bottom, several of these have actually been met. The most notible of these is the recent (and long overdue) resolution of the "SKlug in a Pirate Hat" saga. For the duration of Piestro's reign, Morit continued to behave on the official forums while he patiently waited for the other items on his list to be addressed. One day, it finally appeared all his hard work had paid off as the halfling suddenly performed a 180 and promised to grant the remaining requests on Morit's list. This caused Morit to begin preperations to finally declare "total victory" against SOE... but two days later he found out the joke was on him when Piestro abruptly resigned from his post as EQ's CRM to pursue his life-long dream of a career as a Hollywood hairstylist. To this day, no new progress has been made on any of the outstanding promises SOE officially made to Morit.


The Morituus Monument

"Your property having a giant phallus may be why people aren't developing next to you..." - Zanderon

Morit's Chapel of Love

     With the release of House of Thule also came player housing. Many talented players used this new tool to creatively express themselves in the game. Morit, on the other hand, chose to erect a giant penis on the hill overlooking the zone-in spot for his neighborhood. This brought about a mixed reaction from his fellow players - some of whom openly expressed appreciation for his work of art... and others who simply thought he was an idiot.
     At the base of the monument Morit built a small chapel to acknowledge his RL ministry. He also has a full scale football field in a different section of the property, as well as an actual working catapult overlooking his neighbors houses down below.
     The house itself is comprised of three rooms. When you first enter, you will notice that the side walls of the main room are decorated with various shields and swords from Morit's numerous adventures and lined with spectator benches and chamber pots. On the far wall hangs two unique items - Seru's actual Sword of Truth and a replica of Mayong Mistmoore's sword, Erilynne. In the center of the room are a rug with two simple wooden chairs, each facing each other. Those familiar with Morit's TUYCTHONTTMDNWYTK novel (see below) will recognize this set up (the chairs, as well as the two swords) as a homage to the ancient combat sport of Jankenpo.
     Off to the right is Morit's bedroom, which has unfortunately been the subject of repeated vandalism by a certain member of Traveler's of Norrath. Despite personally contacting several of ToN's officers, this individual's uncouth behavior continues to this very day and has resulted in the need for Morit to constantly buy new beds. For a brief period of time, Morit put up a metal cage at the (inner) entrance to his house, but took it down after receiving numerous complaints from other visitors.
     The last room in the house is simply filled with Morit's junk, because he did not know where else to put them. In an effort to keep Vorp out of this room, Morit installed a special "baby gate" that is specifically calibrated to prevent gnomes (and other vertically challenged races) from getting in while still allowing normal people access to the room.

Mal's Monument

Mal's Monument
     Unable to contain his gigantic penis on just one server, Morit also created a replia of his monument on the Antonius Bale server at the request of one of his supporters, a sweet magician named Malleria. This second monument also contained the message "4 Malleria" and was conviniently located on a property adjacent to her's. Unfortunately, despite putting all his platinum on the AB server (whatever was left from the loyalty bag of pp after the monument's construction costs) into the property's escrow account, the funds eventually ran out. Morit was soon evicted and Mal's personal monument was torn down.


     Morit's original monument, chapel, and house is still standing and had the honor of being one of the first properties (server-wide) to be featured in SOE's Norrathian Home Show series.


Novel (Also see 'Novel')

"I have within me a story. A wonderful story. One that is truly epic in both scope and tone,
which encompasses all the lands and peoples of norrath."
- Morituus, in a PM to Zatozia

     This was Morit's 'epic' entry for the "Lore Connection" short story forum contest, celebrating EQ's 11th anniversary. Considered to be his magnum opus, The Untold, Yet Completely True*, History of Norrath That The Man Does Not Want You To Know (TUYCTHONTTMDNWYTK) was originally intended to be a 500 page novel that would chronicle the journeys of Morit as he traveled the lands of Norrath through every EQ expansion.
     In a cruel twist of fate, the timing of the contest coincided with Morit's real life wife and childrens' annual visit to the in-laws for spring break. At the expense of sleep, food, and personal hygiene, Morit spent every waking minute (while not at work) slaving over the novel - from the moment he found out about the forum contest, all the way up to the submission deadline. Much to the dismay of his peers, Morit was so dedicated to his masterpiece that he even cancelled Morituus Day 2010. Despite his best efforts, Morit was unable to realize his vision in the timeframe provided: The storyline had to be trimmed down, entire chapters (and therefore characters) were removed, and even with all those sacrifices, the novel abruptly ended at what was actually the halfway point.
     The whole ordeal took a lot out of him. The physical and mental strain of trying to do in 7 days what usually takes accomplished writers months, or in some cases even years, to accomplish was too much to bare at times, and there was more than one occasion when he almost gave up. However, he managed to persevere due to two things - the support of his cousin Riker, and the knowledge that a win in this contest would allow him to basically re-write official Norrathian lore. Such an endorsement from SOE would have been a major victory for the rebellion. Unfortunately, Morit's plans for a blanket victory being declared for all entries was thwarted when fellow contestant Lost_Map publicly made the assumption that everyone would be designated a winner. Up until that point, Morit had hoped that Zatozia would take one look at the length of his novel and not even bother reading it. However, Lost's comments caused her to take a closer look, and she ended up breaking protocol and declaring only one winner - Lost_Map.
     All the stories that had been submitted were of high quality and there would have been no shame in losing to any of them, but Morit knew that he had missed a rare opportunity to land a decisive blow against the enemy - one that would have turned the tide. This could have been his 'Battle of Yavin'... but it was not to be. Morit was devastated, and vowed never again to put forth that much effort in a single forum contest.
     Since the contest, Morit has gone back and completed writing 'The Missing Chapters' for the first half of his story (with the exception of Chapter 13, which he purposefully left incomplete). Although he would like to continue and finish the second half of his story, there are several circumstances that make it fairly unlikely that this will ever happen.
     He also later started work on a new video project related to TUYCTHONTTMDNWYTK, which featured original hand-drawn artwork of scenes from the novel in conjunction with a list of characters and names of the real life actors who would play them in a mock movie version of the story. That idea was eventually dumped when Morit came to the realization that he had the artistic aptitude of a below average kindergartner. He instead intended to finish the video using cheap photoshopped pictures, but eventually gave up on that as well.

The most current version of the novel can be downloaded here (best viewed as a book, using the 2-page 'side-by-side' view).

LIMITED TIME MORIT-PEDIA EXCLUSIVE!!! - Once thought to be lost forever due to the disappearance of the Just for Fun forums, Lost_Map's award winning (and officially recognized by SOE as being a part of game lore) story can be downloaded here. Get it now - before Lost finds out it's being illegally distributed and sues!


Also see 'Novel' for the main article.


EQ Trivia

"And out of left field, Mort gets it... I really wunna know how you randomly figure this crap out. " - treebouncer, Trivia #454

"Why does Morit always win my trivias?" - Lost_Map, Trivia #453

     Morit stumbled upon the EQ Trivia games in The Newbie Zone of the official forums by accident, but was quick to imprint his mark on the game once he managed to win some of the games. At first, he became known as "the doodoo guy" because he always opened with the question "Does it resemble a piece of doodoo?". This less than flattering nickname was further perpetuated due to an unfortunate coincidence of Morit's sig at the time - entitled "Pure Gold", it consisted of a hand drawn picture of Morit holding a golden doodoo in the palm of his hand, with an open can of gold paint sitting on top of a toilet in the background. In actuality, the sig dated back to a comment that Vorp had made on the Snakegod forums and the question was due to the doodoo on the streets of Freeport being one of the first things that caught Morit's attention during his first days of playing EQ.
     Once the doodoo misunderstanding was cleared up, Morit focused his attention to other areas of interest and he proceeded to win other games and select answers such as "Xegonies Boobies" and "Aten Ha Ra's very fine buttocks". Over the years, he developed a unique strategy would allow him to gain insight on the answer while often keeping at least some of the other players in the dark. He also heavily relied on the questions of others in order to come to the correct conclusion. Because he basically was using other people to progress the game while not contributing anything himself, this method was sometimes controversial. Still, it proved to be very effective - allowing him to become (as of this writing) the all-time leader in trivia wins. However, he is not the all-time leader in hosting games due to the fact that he usually chooses to defer running the games to someone else due to him being incredibly lazy by nature.
     One exception was to be the 499th trivia game. Ever since he started playing, Morit had eyed game #499 as THE game to win in order to achieve the honor of being the player to host the historic game #500. He waited patiently for years, quietly training himself for the day when it would be time to play #499. Unfortunately for Morit, that fateful day came on the same day that Kiara decided to revamp the official forums. While Morit was at work, game #498 (which had been running for several days) was completed and because of the forum revamp, the Newbie Zone was flooded with new traffic. That afternoon, Morit returned home to find the forums a mess and game #501 on it's second page... they had pumped out two complete games that day - the two most important ones in the history of eq trivia.
     Devastated that he didn't even have a chance to participate in the historic games that he had been preparing for over the last 2 years, Morit - the game's all time wins leader - quietly retired.

     Many years later, Morit started a new EQ Trivia game on the Everquest Forums. He also painstakingly dug up all of the known answers for the previous 500+ trivia games that had previously been lost to time. The answers for all documented EQ Trivia games can now be found here.



"Victory is mine! " - Seth MacFarlane, Family Guy

Official EQ Character of the Day

     On Friday, August 18th, 2006, Morit's greatness was officially recognized by SOE when they declared him their 'Character of the Day' on the EQPlayers website. As of this writing, it is an honor that has been granted only 1611 times (and counting) in the history of the universe. Even more impressive, Morit is one of a very select set of individuals who can prove that they were aware that they were chosen - an extensive google search found that there are only two other known players that took steps to properly document the occasion.

Morituus Day

     Every year, Morit's wife goes home to visit her family during Spring Break, taking their kids with her and allowing him a brief period of freedom to play EQ as much as he wanted without interruption. The members of Snakegod were always very fond of Morit due to his outgoing personality and generous nature, and these characteristics were the reason behind the establishment of Morituus Day - a day to honor his greatness on the first Sunday that she's gone.
     On this day, Morit wakes up early, takes off all his clothes, and logs onto EQ to spend the entire day helping friends and guildies with whatever they might need. Memorable highlights from previous years' include completing a guildie's entire 1.5 epic quest from start to finish in one day (this was also the first 1.5 quest the guild completed - even Morit didn't have his 1.5 at the time), getting fabled weapons for all dozen or so of Deadgirl's alts, and an unwanted marriage proposal from Morit to Vorp because he was drunk (in subsequent years, alcohol was banned from Morituus Day festivities).
     Sadly, Morituus Day 2010 was cancelled due to Morit's futile attempt to complete his TUYCTHONTTMDNWYTK novel in time for the contest deadline. No other Morituus Days were ever held after that because by 2011 most members of Snakegod had retired (with Morit also retiring for good a couple years later).

Valentine's Poem

     In early February 2010, a call went out to all EQ players to submit poems or greetings for SOE's UStream Valentine's Day party, however, no prizes were to be awarded other than the chance that your submission might be chosen to be read live during the broadcast (in hindsight this lack of incentive probably played a major role in why Morit's entry was chosen). Never one to miss an opportunity to stick it to 'The Man', Morit submitted the following poem:

- Love Advice from Dr. Morit -

"Valentine's Day is not for dudes,
So here's some help to set the mood.

Give your love some chocolaty sweets,
Flowers, cards, and other good treats.

Take her shopping and buy a nice gown,
Wine her and dine her with a night on the town.

Then when it's late, you can bring her back home...
To log onto eq and show her how you TOTALLY pwn."

     As mentioned, his submission was selected and read live during the broadcast by Ashlanne (at 01:03:27 on the archived video), but she refused to read the last line - stating that it was inappropriate: "Guaranteed to get you laid!  (My guild leader actually did this)"

(Note: Vorp really did do this for his real-life girlfriend, Yoko. However, the details on whether or not he actually got laid varies depending on who (Vorp or Yoko) is telling the story.)

Valentine's Couples

First SOE approved same-sex couple
     In addition to the poems for the UStream party, SOE also celebrated Valentine's Day 2010 by creating a video collage of community submitted screenshots with the theme "Couples". Sticking to his strategy of using their own rules against SOE, Morit submitted 3 pictures - one of him (naked) in the guild hall jacuzzi greeting an arriving guildie who was about to get a crotch dance, another picture of two guildies facing the wall (because of his crotch dance) while afk, and finally a picture of Morit and Vorp.
     If any of these pictures had been chosen for the collage, it would have been a satisfying victory for Morit. However, ALL THREE of his submissions ended up being selected and included in the official SOE video. The first two pictures were blatantly related to his crotch, so the fact that they ended up being officially endorsed by SOE came as quite a shock.
     The third picture was even more historic due to SOE's long-standing policy banning same-sex marriages: In essence, Morit and Vorp became the first (and as of now, the only) same-sex couple EVER officially recognized by SOE.
(Some sources claim there have been other same sex couples recognized by SOE. However, no formal proof has ever been provided and, therefore, such malicious rumors are assumed to be completely false).

Zatozia's Tortured Doll Contest

     On January 31st, 2008, EQ's Community Relations manager issued a forum challenge to all Everquest players - create or select an effect for her personal in-game doll. The duration of the contest was for only 12 days, with the winner scheduled to be announced 3 days later on the 15th of February. However, the deadline soon passed and a winner was never announced.
     Over the years (literally), many different members of the community gallantly tried, but ultimately failed, to inquire who the winner of the contest was. As the 2 year anniversary neared, Morit finally stepped up to the plate and declared that if no official winner was named by the end of January 2010, that he would designate himself the officially recognized winner, despite the fact that he had not previously submitted an entry for the contest.
     The very next day, Zatozia responded that official winners would be declared, and within a week she provided a list detailing where all contestants had placed and what their prize would be. If not for Morit's intervention, there is a very real possibility that this contest would still be unresolved.

Around Norrath and Beyond Contest

     Despite not participating in the actual contest, Morit (again) was able to use his power of persuasion to benefit those that had submitted entries. Originally slated to be granted only an in-game suffix and a few AA points, winners were also given a Gnomish Troutshocker thanks to his intervention.
     When the contest ended and no winners were immediately declared, Morit sprung into action again and declared his own winner (for the nominal fee of 37 plat... which the dude never even paid). Again, this quickly prompted Zatozia to declare her a winners.
     As a direct result of Morit's actions, 14 people are now running around the lands of Norrath hitting people with virtual fish.

Rasper's (Forum) Name Change

     For many years, Rasper (of Rasper's Repository fame) actually went by a different name on the official EQ forums. Unlike now, where people are frequently allowed to change their forum handle, there was a time when players were forced to keep whatever name was used when they registered their account on the forums. Despite his contributions to the community through his excellent game guides, Rasper was no different in that he was powerless to alter his original handle to one that would properly credit him as the creator of the Repository. Finally, after growing tired of the injustice being forced upon one of the pillars of the EQ player community, Morit took matters into his own hands - dealing directly with Zatozia, he demanded that Rasper be granted his request for a forum handle change. Eventually she conceeded and Morit victoriously delivered the news to Rasper himself.
     However, with Morit not being one to toot his own horn, the details of these (completely true) behind-the-scenes events that led to Rasper's official name change never became public knowledge. Because of this, it is very likely that to this day Rasper himself does not realize the vital role Morit played on his behalf.

Dev in a Pirate Hat Poll

Justice prevails

     September 19th is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. To celebrate Talk Like A Pirate Day 2009, Zatozia started a poll and asked for players to vote for the EQ Developer who they most wanted to see in a pirate hat. It was promised that the dev with the most votes would be tied, tortured, and subsequently forced to wear a pirate hat in a picture that would be featured on the forums. When all the votes were counted it became clear that developer SKlug had won by a landslide, and the community waited with bated breath for the promised picture of their chosen dev in a ridiculous looking pirate hat.
     Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, but no official responses were ever given regarding the status of SKlug in a pirate hat. Eventually certain members of the community took matters into their own hands and staged a formal protest. Morit was a member of this rebellion, but the leading contributor was a ranger named Beadil who submitted photoshopped pictures of various SOE employees on a daily basis. The original plan was to continue doing this for every SOE employee until SKlug submitted to the pirate hat. However it didn't take log before a fake picture of SKlug in a pirate hat surfaced, causing the rebellion to fall apart amid concerns regarding whether or not this fulfilled SKlug's legal obligations to the community.
     Months of silence followed, and it soon appeared that all hope of seeing a real picture of SKlug in a pirate hat was lost forever. That's when Morit decided to put the community on his broad shoulders and take up the cause again. This time he took the fight directly to SKlug and demanded he comply with what was promised. Faced with Morit's wrath, the wise dev quickly agreed to cooperate in a timely manner.
     Unfortunately, the story did not end there. Time passed with no further signs of compliance from the SOE camp, and Morit began to suspect he had been lied to again. When Zatozia stepped down as EQ's CR manager Morit contacted her replacement, Kiara, regarding the issue. After a token response, communication between the two parties abruptly ended and Morit took matters into his own hands by going out and buying a pirate costume with his own money. Unfortunately, all attempts to have the costume delivered to SOE headquarters were thwarted by their management, and as a result Morit is now stuck with an unrefundable pirate costume.
     On September 19th, 2011 - exactly 2 years to the day of the closing of the original poll - EQ Communitity Relations manager Piestro came through on a previous personal promise to Morit and posted a picture of SKlug in a pirate hat (actually, it looked more like a female cavalier hat). SKlug was not in full costume, as had been originally suggested to Piestro, so Morit also photocopied SKlug's head over a costume wearing mannequin to give the EQ community a proper sense of closure. This historic victory marks the second occasion where Morit's selfless actions directly resulted in the successful conclusion to a bitterly contested and contraversal stalemate that had been going on for (literally) years.
     On the same day, Piestro also kind of followed through on a promised picture of Amnerys in a pirate hat, although she was not wearing a "Princess Leia" bikini as per the original agreement (she was pregnant at the time the picture was taken, so Morit let it slide).

Mr. Norrath 2010 (Facebook likes)

     Although Morit's entry for the Mr. Norrath 2010 contest was not selected by SOE staff members as one of the top 10 finalists to be put up for a vote by the player community, he did receive a unique honor once all the entries were listed on the EQ's official Facebook page at the conclusion of the contest: As of this writing, his submission received more "like" votes than all the other Mr. Norrath contestants (both finalists and non-finalists). Unfortunately, he doesn't get anything for this accomplishment.

Al'Kabor in House of Thule

     In Morit's TUYCTHONTTMDNWYTK novel, part of the plot involves an explanation of Al'Kabor's 'disappearance' from the lands of Norrath. However, it has recently been announced that Al will be making a comeback in the next EQ expansion (House of Thule). While the suits over at SOE likely made this decision as an attempt to discredit him, Morit considers the fact that they changed an entire theme of zones because of him as a major victory for his cause.

Forum Title Change

     Recently, Sony's new Everquest Customer Relations manager, Kiara, changed Morit's forum title from "the Censored" to "He of the Famous [Censored]", which is (probably) a reference to his crotch and/or penis. It's long been known that Morit's crotch is legendary within the Everquest player community, as well as within certain departments of SOE itself. However, it has been company policy for them to deny all of this, and Kiara's action marked the first time that an SOE employee officially acknowledged, not only the existence of, but also the greatness of Morit's crotch in a public forum (although it has been discussed with several different staff members prior to this event via PM's). It took Morit many weeks of brown-nosing to accomplish this feat, and it is one of his most prized achievements.

Norrathian Home Show

     Morit and his gigantic phallus were the featured subjects of an article on the EQPlayers website kick starting the Norrathian Home Show series.

EQ Player of the Week

     Morit was officially featured in the Meet the Community series as EQ's player of the week. This was segment featured a list of questions that allowed the community to get to know a little bit about some of it's players. Although it was a fairly popular series, it has since been discontinued. It has been rumored that this is somehow due to Morit, although a specific link has never been proven.

SOE Player of the Month

     Morit was also honored as the Player of the Month across all SOE games in December 2010 (and January 2011). The "station community" is far different from the "eq community" and many of it's members simply do not understand what the hell Morit is babbling about half the time. Many of his antics are misunderstood, and because of this Morit tries not to post there as much. However, it should be noted that Morit was such an awesome player of the month that SOE did not bother declairing a new one the following month, essentially making him their chosen player for two months - a very rare and unique honor. Upper management also forced a change in format regarding how new winners are selected immediately after Morit's term was over.

Multiple Mercs

     Ever since the introduction of mercinaries in EQ, players have asked for the ability to own multiple mercs to use in different situations. Initially, this request was consistantly rejected, but eventually news leaked that there were plans to allow players to be able to swap different types of mercs in the near future. When questioned about SOE's reason for the sudden change of heart, EQ Community Relations Manager Piestro let it slip that Morit was an "instrumental" topic of discussion during development meetings about whether or not to allow the ownership of multiple mercs. Seeing as how he had never communicated anything about multiple mercs with his contacts at SOE (both in private or out in the open), Morit was curious as to why his name was being brought up behind closed doors on that particular subject while other issues that he actually was actively pushing behind the scenes were still going unanswered. Refusing to go into details, Morit was left with a vague response mentioning something about "harems" and "money making opportunity".

     Although Morit didn't actually "do" anything this time around, SOE has openly admitted that his mere reputation served to further the arguement in favor of allowing ownership of multiple mercs. Therefore, this can still be considered a legitimate EQ "achievement" in the sense that he helped influence a game-changing decision.

Last Post!

     Growing tired of Morit's constant efforts to exploit legal loopholes in their forum's Standard of Conduct, SOE took the drastic measure of completely dumping the old forums in favor of a newer format that would give them even greater control over their playerbase. The old forums would be shelved and everyone would be forced to use the new ones from that point forward, which would strip all users of the ability to use custom avatars and limit their editing options. While he was unable to do anything to change this unfortunate decision, Morit took some comfort in the knowledge that he was able to stick it to the man one last time by being the one to put up the "last post" in the old forums. An admitedly small and purely moral victory, but a victory none the less. BOOYA!

Tsolaes' Goranga Spear

     In early 2013, SOE instituted a change that prevented shamans (and bards... but nobody cares about them) from using several off-type weapons that were over a decade old. After submitting official in-game bug and feedback reports to SOE, Tsolaes posted an impassioned plea on the official SOE forms to formally petition the items be once again made usable by shamans. Using a number of clever images that contained funny pictures of Mel Gibson with silly text phrases ("memes" - before the term became widely used on the internet), Tsolaes' petition gained the attention and support of a number of forum posters - including Morit.

     Although by this time Morit's forum activity was in decline, he felt a great amount of empathy and pledged to do everything in his power to help "Brother Tso" in his quest for justice. While publicly supporting Tso's goranga spear petition, he also opened back-channel negotiations with SOE's higher-ups in an effort to boost the chances of success. Morit's efforts quickly paid off, and Tsolaes soon was able to proudly wield his Groanga Spear in the lands of Norrath once again. Sadly, details of Morit's true role in this historic and game-changing saga are known to only a small handful of individuals due to SOE's insistance on him signing a Non-Disclosure Agreement as part of the agreement to un-nerf Tso's spear. However, Morit's abrupt absence from the EverQuest forums shortly after the "goranga spear fix" went live speaks volumes as to the sacrifices Morit made to ensure victory for Brother Tso's cause.

     Tso's original petition thread was still regularly necro bumped for many years until the online image hosting service he used to house the pictures expired. The Moritpedia would have gladly hosted Tso's images for posterity, but sadly they have been lost to time.


Failed Stunts

"Moritous, you've moved well beyond funny into irritating." - Mandaar, Trivia #447

In-game Wedding Ceremonies

EQ wedding service
     During the summer of 2009, Snakegod was in an unusual transition period where they were starting to quickly push through the latter (group) stages of the SoD expansion, gaining access to upgraded equipment and mercs for multiple toons on an almost daily basis. However, the combined costs of purchasing new merc contracts and augmentation distillers for all the active members was rapidly depleting the guild platinum reserves. When SOE announced that they would be selling an instanced in-game zone to serve as a "wedding chapel" for players via the controversial $medley Bucks scam, Morit spotted an opportunity to make profit for himself and his guild off of their greed.
     Using his status as an actual ordained minister irl, Morit quickly set up his own website offering his services and began promoting it on the official EQ forums. Most posters thought Morit was only joking, despite the fact that he specifically stated that he was "100% serious" on numerous occasions, but he did get one serious inquiry to perform a ceremony from a customer on a different server. Being on separate servers made the issue of payment slightly complicated, and the resulting arrangements ended up getting Morit a temporary suspension for "platinum selling/distributing/farming".
     At first Morit thought this would only limit him to performing ceremonies on his home server, but upon further inquiry he was informed that even same-server transactions could potentially land him a "second strike", which would command a much harsher penalty. He realized that the risks were not worth the benefit and reluctantly closed his would-be chapel of love for good.

Zatozia's Kidnapping and Failed Rescue

     In April/May 2009, Zatozia suddenly went missing from the EQ boards. During her disappearance there was much celebrating, but there was also some concern as to her fate. Knowing that she had actually been temporarily tasked to run the Star Wars Galaxies forums, Morit started a rumor that she had been kidnapped by wookies. He quickly started a collection drive to raise the necessary funds to secure her safe release and also suggested they start organizing a "crack commando" unit to rescue her by force. Unfortunately, no one on the EQ forums wanted her back and despite his best efforts Morit wasn't able to raise more than a couple pp via donations. Additionally, forum poster Tecdor (bless his heart) tried to help by hiring a "crackhead" commando unit, who were not very effective. In the end, Morit gave up and told the furballs to "keep the bitch". The wookies ended up giving her back after about a month.

The N.G.P.

Morit's butchered title
     In 2009, Morit won a forum contest that allowed him to pick a unique title for himself - both in-game and on the official SOE forums. Morit decided on "Norrath's Greatest Pimp" and, being at the height of the self-proclaimed acronym craze, proceeded to call himself the "NGP" - even going so far as to purchase the domain name "" ( was already taken by National Guard Products) in anticipation of his official anointment by Zatozia. To celebrate the occasion, he also began incorporating a new persona (yes... a persona within a persona) that was basically the same as his existing "Morit persona", except slightly more crude, arrogant, and perverted than the original.
     When Zatozia came back and rejected his title as being "inappropriate", all his elaborate celebration plans were ruined - his new forum avatar and matching sig now made absolutely no sense and he was stuck with a completely useless domain name. In desperation, he started a thread petitioning to grant him the NGP title, but despite garnering a respectable amount of signatures, it was soon locked and moved to the graveyard forum... as was his "super-secret" second petition thread (which was actually completely removed).
     To add insult to injury, Zatozia forced upon him a distorted version of his original request: Norrath's Greatest Prima-donna. In retaliation, Morit began acting even more crude, arrogant, and perverted (which was quite an accomplishment) in all his posts. This incurred the wrath of many of his fellow players, including a couple individuals who had previously been ardent supporters. Faced with the realization of what he had become, Morit apologized to his peers and vowed to make a conscious effort to better both himself and his posts. He denounced his former proclamation of being the NGP and humbly accepted the offer from Zatozia to change his title to "the Censored".
     On a related note, "" is used as the address for the Morit-pedia simply because he was too cheap/lazy to go and buy yet another domain name ( and decided to just put the previously purchased one to some use.

Online Store

     Another one of his "brilliant" ideas from the NGP debacle, the NGP Online Store (hosted by Zazzle) sells a number of Morit-related goods ranging from bumper stickers to a wide variety of custom t-shirts. While the store has been a source of amusement for some members of the EQ community, he has yet to sell a single item.
     UPDATE: On August 9th, 2011, the NGP Online Store sold ONE t-shirt (the non-NGP related "WOOT" booby shirt). Only 19 more sales, and Zazzle will send RL Morit a check for the $1 profit on this particular piece of merchandise.


     Completing the NGP "Trifecta of Fail", the NGP blog was essentially DOA. Morit never figured out how to get the layout to work correctly, and the entries themselves were usually both uninspired and incoherent. To sum it up: you know it's bad when the highlight was an entry about "being thankful" for not barfing during Thanksgiving brunch.

Campaign Website

Go-go-gooshy! (.com)
     While Morit's entry was not chosen as a finalist for the 2010 Mr. Norrath forum contest, official Morituus Girl Miss Jackie was selected for the Ms. Norrath contest! To celebrate her impressive achievement (and make a mock-grab for any "undecided" votes) Morit created a faux "campaign website" for her toon called It contained fake campaign promises and ridiculous reasons why she'd be "qualified" to be Ms. Norrath. Morit also created a special forum avatar for MJ, which he also used for the duration of the contest.
     Unlike Morit's wedding website (which was 100% serious!), MJ's campaign website was mainly meant as a joke. Unfortunately, some people didn't see the humor and lashed out at MJ, calling her tasteless for creating a website dedicated to herself ( uh... ). Additionally, people began confusing her with Morit (probably because of the special forum avatar). To top it off, the website did not bring MJ any noticeable votes, and she finished seventh in the voting.
     So to recap, the website: a) pissed people off, b) made people think MJ and Morit were the same person, c) brought no new votes, and d) she didn't win anyway.
     Still, Morit's failure shouldn't reflect negatively on MJ's historic accomplishment.

The Rings of Uranus

     During one of the last EQ Trivia games that he participated in, Morit established a "Rock Band" band comprised entirely of members of the EQ forum community, and dubbed the group "The Rings of Uranus" (there's a long story behind the origins of the name that I'm not gonna bother going over - it's all in the trivia game linked above). As soon as they finalized the band's roster, Morit immediately began lobbying SOE to allow them to play at the 2010 SOE Fan Faire in Las Vegas, going so far as to modify the band's original name after it was rejected on the grounds of being "inappropriate".
     Despite the RoU acquiring a small and loyal fan base, SOE's reply to Morit's frequent requests was a consistent "hell no". This could possibly be due to Morit's diva-like demands that they pay for his first-class airfare, hotel, and female escorts (which is, like, totally* legal in Vegas - so don't judge!). Due to SOE's unwillingness to book them, the only stop on the "OMG - Uranus is HUGE - World Tour 2010" was cancelled. Only one member of RoU personally attended the 2010 fan faire, and he was unable to perform due to being in a (nearly) constant state of intoxication.

     The Rings of Uranus:

  • Arishkogol "Ash" Elmuerte, Lead Singer
  • Scarth "Scar" Bladesplitter (aka - Lost_Map), Guitar
  • Glazgar "Nesb", Bass
  • Beadil "B" Bluemoon the Fisher of Friends, Drums
  • Morituus "Morit" the Censored, Cow Bell

Double Exp Week (Labor Day 2010)

     Also known as Morit's "other petition".
     It is EQ tradition that on Labor Day the player base gets a double exp bonus over the holiday weekend. For 2010, the EQ devs decided to give a week-long exp event, but with a bonus of only 50% due to the longer duration. This change was due to players' request that the exp be extended due to some members not being able to play EQ over the weekend due to real-life obligations such as work or family. However, SOE's other games, such as EQ2, would be getting the normal double exp for the weekend only (because their player communities are both short-sighted and selfish).
     While he was all in favor of accommodating his less fortunate friends (and felt that the 50% reduction was a fair compromise), Morit decided the time was right to request that EQ be given a FULL week of DOUBLE exp for Labor Day. If he could convince the devs to grant this extra bonus, Morit knew he would go down as the architect of the biggest exp bonus in EQ's long and storied history.
     He wrote an eloquent petition that listed honorable reasons such as "loyalty", "compassion", and "fairness", and called upon the entire EQ community to join in his noble cause. Unfortunately, not only did his impassioned plea to the devs fell upon deaf ears... even some members of the player base plotted against him - either by somehow turning the topic of exp bonuses into a raider/casual debate or by apparently FAILING ELEMENTARY-LEVEL READING COMPREHENSION (seriously... how could it be interpreted as asking for double exp for the weekend only when "FULL week of DOUBLE exp" is repeated about half a dozen times throughout the petition?).
     Due in part to this mixed response from it's customers, and also from Kiara (correctly) suspecting Morit as having ulterior motives for the request, SOE callously dismissed the suggestion and quickly locked the thread. Undeterred, Morit continued to work behind the scenes to try and secure a FULL week of DOUBLE exp for Labor Day for EQ, but was disappointed when it was confirmed that the exp bonus that hit the live servers was only 50%. To add insult to injury, there were multiple reports that the exp bonus was not working for some players.

Morituus for President (of SOE)

     Before the transer to the new* forum layout, respected community member Fanra proposed a motion to elect Morit to be the President (of SOE), and the motion was seconded by official Morituus Girl Miss Jackie. However, due to threats from SOE management and persistant rumors of misappropriation of campaign assests (namely women) on the part of the campaign manager, Morit reluctantly decided it was in his best interest to pull the plug only days after it's inception. What started out as a brilliant idea, that could have revolutionized not only SOE but all of the MMO gaming world, ended rather abruptly with an unceremonious thread lock and 1 day forum ban (even though Morit, for once, had nothing to do with the original idea).

Mary Poppins

     With the launch of the new forum layout, SOE was able to callously rendered the remainder (whatever wasn't already wiped out by the previous forum revamp that destroyed the Just For Fun forum) of Morit's life work completely irrelevant. Under the pretense of creating a "better experience" for their players through "increased functionality", the entire revamp was really just another attempt at oppression against Morit by the SOE powers that be. Unfortunately, this extreme step had negative consequences for all of the playerbase, as everyone lost previously earned abilities such as custom forum avatars and unrestricted editing of posts. Although some complaints were initially made, SOE viewed these setbacks as acceptable "collateral damage" in their war against the movement for freedom and liberty on their forums that Morit has always represented, and the masses soon relented and accepted the draconian restrictions that the new forums imposed.

     While the removal of personalized avatars and other restrictions hit every member of the forum community, SOE had a special surprise in store for Morit. One of the conditions of the new forums was that all members needed to re-register their account. While everyone else was able to get their old forum handles during the registration process, Morit was greeted with an error message that stated that his requested new forum name was flagged as "vulgar and/or inappropriate", which prevented him from completing the sign up process and begin posting in the new forum. This restriction not only applied to his original forum handle of "Morituus", but also extended to his common nicknames "Morit", "The NGP", and "Bootyking". After several failed attepts to register a "legal" forum handle, Morit began to wonder if SOE was actually restricting the forum names he was trying, or if they had simply flagged his entire account. To test this theory, Morit signed up using the first innocent and non-inappropriate name that popped into his head: Mary Poppins (although come to think of it, that name could also carry inappropriate connotations). To both Morit's surprise and horror, the name was accepted and he was now free to post on the new forums... using the moniker of an early 20th century female British nanny with a stupid flying umbrella.

     Needless to say, Morit immediately followed the posted protocal for registration problems on the new forums, and sent in an official request for a name change to EQ's Community Relations Manager, Piestro. The Assling responded with a slightly unprofessional response that could be (sorta) paraphrased as "ROFLMAOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. You dumbass!" (disclaimer: These were not his actual words, but it is an accurate representation of what his intended message was). Subsequent requests for a name change have since gone unanswered, so it appears that Morit is stuck with the handle "Mary Poppins" for the forseeable future. Embarrassed by his new handle, Morit originally included the line "Level 95 Magician" (because no one would think twice about a Magician being named Mary Poppins - they are so prissy to begin with) to his sig to try and hide his identity from his peers until he could get his name changed. Unfortunately, it didn't take Morit's friends very long at all to figure out who he was (1 post, to be exact), but Morit is too damn lazy to change the sig at this point.


The "Lost" Forum

"Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same.
You wanna be where everybody knows your name."

- Gary Portnoy


     Before the forum revamp of July 2010, the "Just for Fun" forum was Morit's home away from home on the official SOE message boards. While the Veteran's Lounge was where most members of the community spent their time, Morit eventually grew tired of the constant bickering, mean spirited posts, and condescending attitudes that were prevalent in many of the threads there. Sick of constant in-fighting and e-peen waggling, he found that the JFF forum, by contrast, seemed to be frequented by people who just wanted to relax and enjoy themselves. This fit much better with his laid-back personality, and he felt that what the JFF forum lacked in volume it made up for as a source of good-natured entertainment.
     Sadly, when the forum revamps hit, the JFF was one of the first casualties. While there were many complaints about the changes to the Veteran's Lounge by it's outspoken patrons, the JFF populace. was much smaller and less vocal (by nature) than their Vet counterparts, so it's not surprising that it's passing largely went unnoticed by those who did not frequent it. Morit, however, was devastated by it's departure.
     In addition to losing a gathering place for some of the nicest people he's met while playing this game, many of his greatest gifts to the EQ community over the last 3 years - the "A/S/L Thread" that he had personally started... the "Crazy Thread" that he helped make even more crazy... and even his "Look! Look! I have naked pictures of Zat!" thread (which was actually already deleted a long time ago)... just to name a few - were gone forever. Even the long list of forum contest threads that he had entered and proudly been disqualified from had suddenly vanished.
     With a big portion of his life's work suddenly wiped out, it's a good thing that Morit had secretly been working on a project over the last 6 months that he had dubbed "The Morit-pedia" - a compilation of his countless contributions to the EverQuest player community. Unfortunately, however, his work was not entirely complete when the JFF plug was pulled, and lots of valuable information was still lost with it's demise.

     Despite it's numerous short comings, I hope you are still able to enjoy this website for what it was originally intended - a place to visit... Just for Fun.
(But be sure to stop by the store and buy something!)



Note: SOE's revamp of the official EQ forums on 7/13/2010 rendered most of the reference source links (painstakingly collected over the last 6 months) unavailable, so I've decided to just remove this section in favor of putting links (where still available) directly in the article. I apologize for the inconvenience.



Questions or comments? -